This Olympics malarkey is all well and good but I would just like to inform you Maccas about my previous dealings with the International Olympic Committee. A few years ago I tried to get synchronised drinking registered as an Olympic sport to no avail. I even offered to be head coach for the British team but the suggestion was thrown back in my face. Or would have been if they had bothered to reply! Do you know how difficult it is to get everyone drinking at the same pace? That’s why I am reluctant to contact them over stoma bag evacuation (synchronised or not.) Sort of once bitten twice shy sort of thing. Someone has felt left out because they haven’t got a bag but I can assure that they are available either privately or on the national health until Macaroon and the Drib Lems start their cuts and then we will have to start another campaign. ( A stoma is for poo and not just for Christmas! Seems like a good soundbite.
Incidentally, while I was lying in my bed the other night I wondered where my cancer had come from. How did Roland Ratso creep up my derriere? I know some people get cancer from being exposed to carcinogenics. I suppose in my case I have been exposed to Arsenogenics!
Finally I want to preview you my new hits single which goes to the tune of “Hello Mary Lou”
Chorus:
I said “Hello stoma bag”
“Goodbye arse”
Sweet stoma bag I’m so in love with you
Me and my bum – we had to part
So “Hello stoma bag, Goodby arse.
I saw my bag, I had no choice
But the cancer’s gone – I must rejoice
And now I have got to stay that way
I thought about an irrigation spout
To do the business when my poo comes out
And now that’s what I’ve got to say.
So
“Hello stoma bag”
“Goodbye arse”
Sweet stoma bag I’m so in love with you
Me and my bum – we had to part
So “Hello stoma bag, Goodby arse.
Keep smiling
Love
Drew
X
