Sorry I haven't updated the blog for a while or replied to messages. I can't actually find on here how to reply to PM's. I read them on my mobile but can not reply.
Well Fabe got his results and it was a mixed bag really. Some of the tumours had shrunk but one had grew under the chemo by about 37%. The team think they may try to blast this particular tumour with radiotherapy but will see if another 2 sessions of chemo work. It's strange as most of our family and friends are pleased that some of the tumours have shrunk but I am reserving judgement as this is exactly what happened with the previous two chemos that ended up not working.
I have been sick lately, picking up every bug going around and I am completely run down and exhausted. When I look in the mirror I do not even really recognise myself anymore. I am pale and have deep dark circles under my eyes and my lips are chapped and split.
Work are getting concerned about my sickness and ended up crying on my colleagues shoulder. The policy is quite strict and after so many occasions sick you can end up with a written warning which can soon lead to dismissal. So stressful.
I just wondered if anyone else has felt let down or disappointed by people, particularly friends who you thought would be with you through anything? Sometimes it feels quite lonely.
I miss our old life and just not worrying every day. I keep thinking we would have been married by now and when I see pregnant women I get a lump in my throat.
Fabian is battling on I admire and love him so much. He is the most amazing person and still try's to remain cheerful and put on a brave face for people.
Fabes hair has grown back on this chemo which has led to a few awkward comments from neighbours etc about how it's good to see Fabe looking better and has he finished his treatment... Couldn't be further from the truth, such a long road ahead but we will get there.
Almost a year since Fabe had his toe amputated, such a big thing that was instantly clouded by the next fight of lung cancer.
We are just taking each day as it comes. Hard to picture the future at the moment. We both have a lot of nightmares which are quite unsettling.
Anyway the weekend is finally here so going to enjoy some time together watching TV and catching up with sleep.
One step at a time.
FormerMember
Hi, I can understand your reservations about passing judgement on whether the treatment has worked successfully or not. I guess family and friends are trying to be positive and upbeat for both your sakes. I really hope the next two lots of chemo do the trick.
As for your own health. It's not surprising you are so run down. Your immune system will be low also with all the stress of Fabian's illness. Have you tried some herbal remedies to boost your immune system, such as vitamin C, selenium or zinc? Certainly worth a go.
And yes, it is awkward when people only see the outer face of things and don't know the reality of the situation. What do you? Tell people the truth every time or put on a smile and say, yes he's doing well? It's a hard one and something I think most of us have been through. There's no right or wrong answer to that one, just take each situation as it comes.
I wish you both all the very best for the future and hope you have a lovely restful weekend.
Reserving judgement and a little bit of pessismism is natural for those of us who are close to and caring for people but others will try to be upbeat and positive partly because they can not do anything other than try to give us hope that all will be right in the end.
I had a rant a few days ago about the "Yes I'm fine. Yes he's fine. Yes she's fine", responses that I had to give to a well meaning neighbour. Little My said it's something we all have to go through even though we are screaming inside that nobody is fine and everything is not OK. But we can come here and do that and all our lovely Mac friends understand this when friends and neighbours would not understand a rant!
The work situation is a difficult one and yes I think we all have those friends and people in our lives that we expected to be there but somehow they haven't found the courage to be. Having said that, I have discovered real, true friends who have blown me away with their love and support and from some of them I really did not expect it. It's one of those situations when you really do find out who your real friends are.
I hope you and Fabe have a lovely restful weekend, that you catch up on some much needed sleep (the vitamins are a good idea) and that the chemo sorts everything out for Fabe.
It's obvious you're both going through such a rough time right now and all the feelings you are experiencing are quite natural, most of us here on the mac site can empathise with you i'm sure.
It's bumpy road (as a friend on here recently and wisely said). You and Fabe will get through this bumpy bit, and hopefully there will be smooth ahead. And you both will actually be stronger than ever.
