It’s 18 days since my op. ‘No driving until 3 weeks after’ – that’s in 3 days’ time.
How to I feel….. sore!
The sunburn sensation hasn’t improved and in fact has sadly got worse. I called the hospital yesterday to check it out – and yes - it is nerve pain. Apparently usually worse for those with Lymph Node Clearance and wounds under the arm.
My wound is a ‘smile’ shape that extends from the front of my arm pit to just past the centre of my arm pit – approx. 4-5 inches long and just where everything touches. It’s healing very well and is very neat – and I feel lucky to have got away with a single wound for both the tumour and lymph nodes. There’s still hard swelling under the skin around it, but it’s not visually red and looks fine. It’s what I can’t see that’s causing me problems.
I’ve tried to be back at work this week (at home). My target was to be up and ready for 9 every morning and to try and do all my regular morning zoom calls. I am pleased to have done this, but it has been a struggle. Sitting at the desk is still tough. By lunchtime I can feel my nerve pain building and so I’d rest on the sofa over lunch; but sill most afternoons by 3-3.30 I’ve had to stop work – returning to the sofa with pain killers to rest.
I’m not going to lie – I feel frustrated.
As a lone parent – financial security is all on me – so I must find a way to make work, work!
It’s early days I know, and it’s thankfully been a short week after Easter, but I want to get some regular work in before my chemo starts and interrupts everything again.
I think going into next week I need to plan to rest in the afternoons and slowly build up what I can do. Psychologically I think that may put me in a better place.
I have been sticking with my yoga and exercises – but this week have given my best time (mornings) to getting back to work. This has meant exercise and stretches have been left to the more painful afternoons/evenings. I need to try and sort this out for next week too, so I prioritise exercises first to aid my overall recovery. Immediately my go to is ‘get up earlier to make more time’ – again a compromise for overall rest …this a juggle!
What have I been doing for the nerve pain? I was quietly celebrating earlier this week that I’d managed to have pain killer free days. But that lasted for two days only! The last few days I’ve been back on ibuprofen and paracetamol by lunchtime, and it does take the edge off – but I am not pain free. It’s sore; like the worst sunburn – not hot – just sore. The Aveno and Geranium Oil provides some short-term relief – and I do that morning and just before bed – but I still have to weigh up the advantage of that over the discomfort of getting the bra off and on. Every day, that gets a little easier, but it’s something I find myself considering the pros and cons of – and so I though it worth mentioning here for anyone else in this predicament.
The hospital says that if the nerve pain continues for another week to contact them again and they can prescribe some more targeted pain killers. I don’t really want that – but I think I will have to see. The current cycle pain-wise isn’t great – so if I want to continue with work and some exercise – I think I may need to accept, I may need more pain relief. My plan is to maybe try continuous paracetamol/ibuprofen for a few days to see if that helps, rather than the sporadic doses I have been taking this week.
Outside managing the pain – it’s been a week since the Chemo news – and I recognise an acceptance of that in myself. The initial horrific panic has slowly subsided to a slow acceptance. I have found myself saying this week ‘if they’d said I didn’t need chemo – I’d have said are you absolutely sure’.
I realise that I must face this and have started to dabble into hats, cold capping, what to do about eyebrows – my eyelashes – and helpfully reading on here that many have managed to find a pattern in their cycles which have allowed them to work. I am feeling more in control having established my baseline … ‘I am not doing zoom calls looking like a cancer victim – I just can’t do that’. And I know my son’s will struggle when my appearance changes too.
So… I have to do whatever it means to minimise or prevent that. Embrace the wigs, explore my feelings about hats/head coverings, find out about how to manage eyebrows/eye lashes with my stupid allergies – and HOPE that there is a pattern in the madness which means I can feel like a have a semblance of some routine (and maybe a whisper of control) that I can use to work.
I hate cancer today... but I am focussing on the fact that in that last sentence I wrote HOPE. x
