I was really glad when 2012 ended. It was a proper disastrous 12 months. It began with me making a painful decision of filing for a divorce after 7 years of unsuccessfully trying to work on my marriage. My husband was not interested in any form of therapy and was becoming increasingly aggressive which was truly bad for the kids. So, I finally said 'enough is enough' - he promised he'd make the divorce process hell..... I was worried, but little did I know that a few months later that would be one of those things least on my mind....
Some time in June I noticed a strange blood stained discharge from my left breast and so I started examining myself..... and here it was.....a ping pong ball size of a mass, sitting there in my boob.... Oops! I didn't get scared just thought I'd better have it checked and I did the following day. 10 days later I was going through all the standard tests and scans.... which led the surgeon to decide to do a core biopsy there and then.... That was the first time I got shot! ;))) ... and five times at that! A week later I had the scary diagnosis DSCI, HR+, grade 2B.... and the first thing I had on my mind was my two little boys (8 and 6) and their irresponsible dad......... and that I have to live long enough for the boys to stand on their feet.... So, it was not even one month from the moment of noticing the evil changes in my breast to knowing what it was.
The MDT in Bedford Hospital decided that the best course of action would be to start me on chemo to try and shrink the tumor and then do lumpectomy with the sentinel node biopsy. The summer holidays started with me going through multiple additional scans and tests to determine if there were any mets and my first FEC dose.... Losing hair was a piece of cake as I had always liked Sinead O'Connor and used to keep my hair near to bald ;) Getting more and more tired, however, and less able to travel around with the boys and keep them entertained during the summer was a real challenge and so was their dad's completely indifferent attitude. Divorce got stuck in the first stage and I focused on the treatment and looking after the boys. I was feeling guilty about how weak I was feeling and didn't want the boys to be stuck at home with me, so I let them play in front of the house.... Little did I know that one of the neighbours was a paedophile and would use my vulnerability to target the boys.. A few weeks into the summer holidays my older son told me the neighbour was touching him inappropriately.... and so we called the police immediately. A criminal case was open then..........
Still, I managed to keep positive. I had support in my church and did not stop admiring the beauty around me through the lenses of my camera! :-) Life is beautiful, even more so when death sends its messenger, eg. cancer to take our joy of life first and, if possible, life itself too..... I made a conscious decision to put my trust in God and keep on enjoying every day as much as I could. The lovely chemo nurses from the Primrose Unit in Bedford hospital helped me forget why I was coming there! They responded to my sense of humour in a surprisingly fantastic way and we just had a laugh for six months! I tested the Hickman line, then was equipped with a PICC line due to my veins being..... erm..... rather sensitive, so I had some extra experiences with them. The second lot of chemo, Taxotere, knocked me out nearly but I survived! :)) I made friends with the chemo nurses and keep visiting them whenever I am in hospital.
The brutal chemotherapy was successful!!! The lump shrunk! :-) That was the best news in 2012! My Christmas present was a successful lumpectomy.... successful in that the whole lump was removed with clear margins.
So, the year of my dark valley ended with me being half way through my cancer treatment.
