I'm trying to be positive, but I've been really struggling to deal with how the surgery has changed my life. I had a grumble about my hearing in my last post so we won't go there again. Next I still can't speak. I can make a noise, and now and then H can recognise what I'm saying, but most of the time it's just a grunt to him. I didn't realise it would be so difficult. I was told that once they took the trachi out that I'd be talking again very quickly. I wouldn't mind if I could see progress but I can't.
I suspect that this is not being helped by all the swelling on my face. My bottom lip is still very swollen and I can't close my mouth. Constant dribbling. My tongue is swollen too and that sticks out. Not a pretty sight. I'm told it will eventually sort itself out, but I have this fear that it won't. I don't want friends coming round the house as I think I look like something out of The Chamber of Horrors.
I see the SALT (Speech and Language Therapy) people at the hospital clinic. They give me exercises, which I do every day as instructed. Don't seem to be helping though. I was supposed to be able to drink again and eat small amounts of food by now, but SALT won't even let me try swallowing a few sips of water yet as my mouth is so swollen.
I know I'm being impatient. I've not even been out of hospital 2 weeks yet, and when I was first diagnosed I decided to myself, and accepted, that it may well take me a year to fully recover.
H says I need to not dwell on what I can't do, but to focus on what I can do. When I think about it that is quite a lot. I can still watch tennis, which is very handy with the Australian Open starting shortly. I can watch my favourite detective dramas on TV, thanks to the person who invented subtitles. I can play Candy Crush, and I'm now discovering that I have a talent for internet shopping. Maybe there is some new skill out there just waiting for me to find it.
