I'm feeling in good spirits this morning. The antibiotics have kicked in already and I'm feeling much better. The pain has almost gone and the swelling is reduced. The symptoms are manageable now and it won't be a problem waiting till the end of next month for my hospital appointment. I've found kind people who've shared their experiences of the same dental procedure and I'm no longer anxious.
The only problem left is my poor husband who can't stop worrying about me. He says my puffy face looks just like it did when I had cancer and it's stirred up the memories of that awful time. I've already reassured him several times that there are no cancer symptoms, but I know he won't be happy till the swelling has disappeared. In the meanwhile there isn't much I can do about it. It's rather difficult not to look at someone when you share the same house.
I'm now feeling so guilty about the worry I'm putting him through. I think back to that time I was diagnosed with cancer in 2013. I'd gone to the GP with a lump and she'd fast tracked me to the hospital. Scans, tests and biopsies followed while they tried to identify the problem but we'd been warned that it was very likely cancer. We knew it definitely was when the Consultant's secretary phoned to bring forward an appointment and told me to bring my husband with me.
The Oncologist started to tell us all about the treatment plan. I explained that I wanted the minimum of information. I'd trust them to do what they thought best and didn't need to know all the details. We would both be strong and positive and remain cheerful throughout. Blissful ignorance would be the best way for me to cope.
The Oncologist had another go at trying to make me understand the severity of the challenges ahead. I remember one phrase exactly. "You'll be going on the road to hell and back and you'll be taking your loved ones with you. There will be times when the journey is worse for your husband than it is for you." At the time I thought he was being ridiculous. Unfortunately there were many times during my treatment when he was proved right.
So here we are 12 years on. We're on another little journey thanks to the side effects of cancer and he's definitely finding it harder than me. I will have to do my best to find some cheerful distractions for him in the days ahead.
