MacMillan bloggers, I thank you

2 minute read time.

Hello, its been a while since I last posted here. December was a bit of a month and Christmas was a blur spent in the company of the ‘Cheese Eating Assassins’. I hope to do a longer post on these guys. And that’s not why I am writing today.

Suffice to say, it’s been truly gnarly over here on Exmoor and I wanted to get this post done first; and before one of my lovely team of drivers rolls up to trundle me of to Taunton for a radiotherapy planning session. And what I want to do is say thank you to all of you, here’s a name check of everyone that I can recall has been in touch via this community.

Millibob, Coddfish, Mmum, LozzaT, Ma78, Irishgirl16, BrightonBiker, Shaka4Lyfe, CandysMum, Gardener66, Dorset Girl and Ange19.

And sincere apologies to anyone that I have missed. My fatigue levels are so high now, I am so glad we invested in some comfy chairs and new sofas, I am the king of power naps now (although I think 2 straight hours at any time maybe more than a nap?)

My latest scans now show lesions in 13 discrete places. The liver is still favourite to pull the mortality card on me. Latest places are in my spine, vertebrate C6, C7 and L2. L2 is also starting to collapse. So, after 18 months, I am actually getting pain symptoms that we can directly relate to that 1cm bowel lesion, that has never really grown but will kill me none the less. Well, they do say that the little things count. This week, I will get some targeted radiotherapy that will hopefully reduce the tumour pressure on various nerves and reduce the pain.

I am not going to pretend that I am somehow coping with this well; boy, do I feel sad and my eyes well as I write this. And, I have never felt alone. The medics, my friends and family have all been great. I am truly overwhelmed by the love and care that I have received. And I want you people to know that you are in this group too. Thank you. Thank you for reading, thank you for the comments and thank you for the support.

I am going to keep this short, 40 minutes to my lift! A quick bit about me and a time limited offer to you. I am a 60-year-old man, married for 34 years, 3 grown up children and I have been very lucky. Born in a rich and peaceful country and raised with a good moral compass, I hope! I have had interesting jobs; I have managed Corfe Castle in Dorset and Dunster Castle out here on the moor. I have lived in the Cairngorms as a young man and in South Wales, Cambridgeshire, Suffolk and Norfolk. No complaints, well one, I would like to be around for a while longer. That seems unlikely.

‘Dignity Pants and Other Misnomers’ is named after the natty backless paper shorts I wore for a biopsy way back in August 2023. And Dignahtee is a simple corruption of dignity; but Dignahtee Pants would be my ‘Ugly Sister’ name in panto, or my drag queen name; two unfulfilled ambitions!

Thank you so much, I appreciate you all.

Anonymous
  • oops, did not mean to post that then!   I think suburban gardens are great for birds, I see more species in my garden than I do in our local woods and the open moorland is often very quiet (in many ways, the open moor is not that good for nature, but there are some good ideas being trialed now, we will see what the future brings) I did a garden bird watch over Christmas and got 18 species. Thrushes are a rarity for us.. We have had a bit of a change in species over the last couple of years; starlings are back and in some numbers, absent for years. We now have resident carrion crows and the magpies are less frequent. And we have siskins in the winter. We have long tailed tits which are busy and entertaining and we did have a sparrowhawk swoop in and miss absolutely everything! The garden bird watching is a real boost for me. Fatigue is immense and sometimes the breakout pain is quite a thing! If the radiotherapy works, I may be able to get out and about a bit more. But I am a bit concerned about this 'collapse' of the L2 vertebrate and what this may do to my general mobility. We are very realistic about how I am really doing, I feel like I have a very close 'use by date'. It does make me sad but I can't get angry, it's just luck.  Give my old castle a pat for me, great place. 

  • Thanks Brian, always good to hear from you. 'The Cheese Eating Assassins' will cover Christmas, a really tough time for us, I got very poorly for a while and some of my 'dreams' as I  woke up from a mostly nap filled week were, well, unusual - including the cheese!  I will do this in the next few days. At the moment, I am onto the next home projects; which include finishing planning my funeral (an odd thing to do, but may take some pressure of my family) and getting a greenhouse installed for the person who has to put up with me for 34 years!