I haven’t blogged for a long time. I just need to vent. I apologise in advance.
I am just so tired. My husband has terminal bile duct cancer that has spread out. He is not doing well. He has been sick for nearly three years. They told us he had 3-9 months when first diagnosed and he has beaten the odds. But it has been a very difficult time emotionally and physically for him and for me too. (Not to mention the rest of the family.) He has an illeostomy and is constantly fighting leak problems with the bag adhesion and a partial blockage in his stomach. It is so distressing and degrading for him. He is frequently talking about suicide and me assisting him if necessary. I just feel so stressed out and sad. I don’t feel like the same person anymore. It has affected my health and immune system as well. I am diabetic and my sugar levels are all over the place because of stress and I catch every bug going. I am on anti-depressants. I feel exhausted in every way. I have recently been made redundant at work as well. It was getting to the stage that I need to be home with my husband full-time any way. So, the redundancy pay will keep us going for a while.
My sister called me last night and told me that my mother has been diagnosed with stage 2 ovarian cancer and will be having a hysterectomy this week. They live in the US. So, I can’t be there with her. She is 72 and it is not going to be easy for her. She and my mom were reluctant to tell me because of everything going on with hubby but I am glad she did. I just don’t know what to feel. It is almost like I feel overloaded or almost numb. Sorry to be a downer on Mother's Day. Thanks everyone.
Becky
