I found out in week 5 that I would need to undergo a 12 week treatment plan of Taxol to be administered once a week, every week. At week 6, I will be having a portacath inserted so that they can just 'plug' in the chemo every week without having to try and locate a vein and risk damage to the veins from weekly cannulas inserted. This was booked get the Thursday and my first chemo session to star my one week after.
On Wednesday, I spend all day at Harley St for scans, to check there is nothing wrong elsewhere and also a pre chemo
Assessment 'chat'. I told my husband not to come as they were just non invasive routine tests. At 9.00am I have an echo scan just to make sure the heart is fine. At 9.30-12.30, I have a PET and CT scan 'full body' but unfortunately this did involve a cannula as I had to have a dye injected into me ( and other substances for the purpose of the scans).
At 2pm, more needles, I get my bloods done. I found myself sitting in the waiting room getting tearful as I felt anxious bit quickly pulled myself together. Around 3pm, I get called in by a nurse from one of the chemo team and we have an indepth discussion. He was fairly comforting managed to answer all my questions I noted on my phone over the last few days. Then he said he could take me for a tour of the treatment suite downstairs. I felt myself go cold and hesitated but then I thought, it's going to be next week, I don't want to be shocked then. I followed him down to the basement via a lift. Ahead of me were a set of double doors with the sign 'Treatment Suite'. We went in, it was fairly quiet and people were just chatting in each cubicle. The nurse took me into an empty cubicle, it wasn't too bad, not how I imagined, did not look too clinical but then reality but me, I would be sat here, hooked up to the toxic substance next week so I started crying.
The Portacath insertion was the next day at 2pm. My husband met me at the hospital. I would be going under general anaesthetic again. I was so worried again about the cannula for the anaesthetic that I was shaking uncontrollably in the anaesthetic room but the team were good and even my consultant came out to hold my hand and calm me. I woke up before I got back to the ward so was wide awake by the time I was wheeled back to my husband. It was nearly 4.30 and our children were with our friend back home. I felt a rush of energy as I wanted to get back home to avoid another late night for them. My eldest had a school trip the next morning so i needed to get her packed lunch sorted. The nurse said that as I had general, I needed to be monitored for at least 3/4 hours. That would have taken us to nearly 8pm and then another 2 hours to get home! I got dressed, put full make up on and reassured the nurse I felt absolutely fine. We manage to leave a couple of hours after I came back to the ward. The 5-10min walk to the underground station wasn't too bad, it was a nice sunny evening. But then I hit the steps leading down it the station and I felt weak and slow. It was still 3 stops to the mainline station and I knew the other end, it was another very long walk before we could get to the trains. I was a little worried about commuters knocking into my newly inserted port but I focused on getting home to my girls so I held tightly it my husband and carried on. Besides, I knew the pain was kept at bay with the anaesthetic so I needed to get myself home before it wore off.
The pain has been unbearable at times. I would say that for me, the portacath recovery is much more painful than the lumpectomy. I thought it was a much smaller procedure but it certainly doesn't feel like it. I feel like a sharp needle is wedged inside me, as painful as when I had the guide wire inserted before the lumpectomy. I can only sleep if I'm almost sitting up.
Next week is week 7 - first session of chemotherapy. I cut my long hair into a very short bob last week, I've ordered a wig and a couple of indoor 'caps' so at least I am prepared for the worse. I've even bought false eyelashes but haven't a clue how to put them on. My hair might drop out, my nails may go black but I am not walking out the house without making as much effort as I can. I'm not trying to hide the fact I have been diagnosed with breast cancer but I just don't want it to take away too much of 'me. I'll hang onto as much as I can.
Week 7 - 1st chemo to follow ...
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Week 1 - Diagnosis http://community.macmillan.org.uk/blogs/b/weblog578
Week 2-5 - lumpectomy and prognosis http://community.macmillan.org.uk/blogs/b/weblog578
