Moving on ....

3 minute read time.

FormerMember

6 Oct 2016

On some days, I find it tiring just walking up the stairs in my own house. I am getting plenty of sleep so I am not tired in that way but my legs ache heavily as I drag myself up the steps. These are the same stairs I am use to constantly running up and down without even thinking.

Makes me think I would probably need a bungalow when I get older a stair lift!

I know this tiredness will not last forever and I was told it could be weeks or months after treatment before I get back to normal, that and also the funny cord thing running along my left arm too and the numbness in my fingers.

In a moment of madness, I decide to sign up for next summer's London Moon Walk for the charity Walk for Walk and will be walking a marathon around London at midnight in a bra! I needed something to focus on, something to make me think that I won't feel like this forever as it will get better. I've donated to many charities over the years but now I have a chance to take part as a participant rather than just a donor, raise awareness about breast cancer and to get myself fit at the same time. At least I've got until next May to get fit and I'm determined that by that time, I won't be feeling how I am now.

I've just come back from the first session of the Moving On Course. I was quite nervous about attending, worrying about I would break down if I had to introduce myself. It was quite a big group and the speakers and cancer patients were very nice. Everyone was very positive. You didn't need to speak if you didn't want to. I found myself become tearful and emotional as they touch upon certain subjects like your children and how to talk to them. Some of the speakers had been through cancer more than once. It was a mixed but very large group of censer patients.. some had undergone treatment a while ago, some were still undergoing treatment like myself. It was strange to have the conversation opener as 'when was your last treatment, what cancer did you have?'

They hit the nail on the head when they mentioned how after treatment, you feel lost and abandoned, the same feelings that I'm experiencing now. It was mentioned that the most distressing time after diagnosis is when treatment has been completed and you get discharged. The experience was compared to a boat which you sail with your maps and safety gear which gets you through life's storms and then all of a sudden, a hurricane comes along and attacks the boat. The rescue boats come out to help And guide you back onto the right road and then suddenly you're on your own again. It is reality that things will never go back to normal but over the next few weeks, they will help guide you to find your 'new normal'.

To be honest, I've always been sceptical about any course that had any remote references to 'mindful' but I like to think myself as open minded. One of the speakers said that after what he had gone through, he had learnt to say 'yes' more. He said cancer will always be a part of you but don't let it define you. It does make sense but I guess I'm just at the start of this journey and it will be a while before I discover my new normal.

FormerMember over 8 years ago

Hi Yanny12

Have you read the paper by Dr Peter Harvey 'When the Treatment Finishes: Then What ?'

It helped us get our heads around what the heck just happened post treatment.

G n' J
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FormerMember over 8 years ago

Thank you! I will definitely take a look tonight.
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FormerMember over 8 years ago

The article was really helpful, thank you. it summed up all the emotions I am feeling right now. One step at a time definitely. Physically I am exhausted too so that is draining me emotionally. Once my body starts recovering, things will hopefully seem much better.
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