I had my CT scan today before commencing radiotherapy next week.
The radiotherapy centre is opposite the hospital where I first got diagnosed. I did not realise how walking past the hospital would affect me so much. I haven't been past since 27th April. I got annoyed with myself for being so emotionally dramatic and tried to pull myself together.
The pre CT scan assessment was quite emotionally challenging too. The nurse said, so tell me how you got diagnosed, did you find a lump? I found myself getting a little tearful as I explained, even though I talked about it many times over the last few months. Then I watch the usual reaction of surprise followed by reassurance when I tell them that it was a routine health check and they say how lucky I am.
Some days I feel lucky, some days I don't. Today not so much.
They also told me that I would need to hold my breathe in for 25 secs during radiotherapy so that the radiation will avoid my heart (I read up about risk of heart disease etc) so I panic little incase I will do it wrong and don't 'move my heart out the way' properly. Today was just the CT scan, to practise breathing and to place tattoo (I was told this would be permanent) dots on my body so they know where to direct the 'beam' each time. More permanent scars as a reminder. I have the scar from the biopsy, main surgery, lymph node removal, port insertion, port removal (after Wednesday) and now tattooed beam locators. All for a good purpose, I remind myself, a story behind each scar.
