It has been several weeks since I have updated this blog. I have managed to go on holiday and get back in one piece. A couple of nights I did feel nauseous but I had all my meds with me. My hair was still falling out in small clumps and this was even more evident on a light tiled floor. The cleaners must have wondered what was wrong even though I tried to pick up as much as I could. Shame they don't do travel size dust busters! I still have hair but it's very thin on top and my parting is very wide. I think I will try and order Toppik to deal with that. My face looked quite swollen and I felt like a whale, probably a combination of the steroids and over eating during the holiday. I did get tired at times, even though I had to do literally nothing but I still had a really relaxing time and many moments, I almost forgot entirely about the last few months while I watched my children playing in the sand, swimming in the pool. On the other hand, I did have moments where I felt like breaking down quietly as I looked out to the sea and reflected on what had actually happened exactly 6 months ago. Anxieties did creep in, such as once chemo has ended, how will I know if I will get it again and of course I could not help thinking, what type of holidays my husband and girls would go on if I 'wasn't around'. I couldn't help those thoughts. It took us a few years just for both to get the same week off so it was our fm first family holiday.
I did have a problem with pain in my left arm which brought me back down to reality. As well as the numbness, my arm started feeling a tight pain when I stretched it. This started happening a couple of weeks ago before I went away. It had progressively got worse and I told the medical team who said to keep an eye on it. I did start to worry and wondered if it was lymphedema from the removal of 4 lymph nodes and whether or not my left arm would start to 'blow up'. Over the last week, it has got worse. I can no longer stretch high or stretch the left arm out straight without severe pain near the elbow joint which feels like there is a hard vein there, almost like the tube that runs into my portacath. I contacted the team while I was on holiday and I've made an appointment to see them this week and possibly have an X-ray. I've been researching the symptoms and I am sure that what I have axillary web syndrome where the tissue has hardened from the lymph removal area all the way down the arm. I had a feel and yes I could feel the hard 'cord' under my arm and also in the elbow. I will see what they say on Friday but I have read that tog it is AWS, it will need physical therapy to massage the cord and the 'break it' to release the tightness. Apparently you might actually hear if 'snap' but it will provide relief. Argh, that makes me feel sick already! I do need to get it seen to so will sort it out hopefully before I start radiotherapy in a few weeks since that will involve be raising my arm for the whole duration of the treatment. My arm feels like the stitching on a piece of material and the thread has been pulled tight...it is very painful and I can no longer stretch it out straight.
