I can't deny that since Thursday, it's been awful. Now I know that the diagnosis and the 2 operations were a breeze compared to what is happening now. On Friday I felt high with energy, I believe it was the steroids, soon to wear off. On Saturday I started feeling slightly feverish, sore throat and aching arms, I was so tired. We were taking my husband out for a lunch and I know if I mentioned I was unwell, he would not have gone. The girls were looking so much to celebrating Father's Day and his birthday, it was a good distraction for everyone. I made it through lunch, they didn't even suspect I was unwell. However, by Sunday evening, I was in A&E as I still had temperature. I didn't think anything of it as it was just flu-like symptoms but apparently it's dangerous as my immunity is very low. I was even quarantined once I arrived at A&E as they didn't want me to catch anything from the other patients. Even though I had my portacath put in, they still had to stick the dreaded cannula in my arm as there was no one trained to use the port in my chest at the local NHS A&E. So I was back on a drip with antibiotics and painkillers. But the bloods were not too bad and no sign of infection so I could go home at 2am with antibiotics for my sore throat/temperature.
Now we have to worry about whether or not we should be cancelling our week away late summer, by then I will be on week 9-10 of treatment but they said that the side affects of the type I am on (Taxol) is sometimes cumulative so there could be a lot worse to come. As well as the 'well known' symptoms (hair loss/thinning, nausea), I'm was warned about the loss of nails and 'bone crushing' pain and neuropathy (numbness). I feel like I would resemble a scene from the Fly where his nail peels off!
The girls would be so disappointed if we cancelled our little week away and technically I would not have to do anything except relax all day and eat! I know it's no exotic holiday and only Europe but it's our first full week away together as a family in 7 years and I am desperately for The holiday to be the highlight of this summer for the girls, not how bad mummy is looking. They've been talking non stop about it since I booked it early February (2.5 months before I got diagnosed). My husband is obviously concerned after last night. We shall see. I hope we won't have to. If we do cancel, I feel like I've given in to cancer but I'm determined not to let it take over my summer. The travel insurance company said I can cancel right up to the day before travel so I still have plenty of time to see. I could be ok, I won't know. Fingers crossed!
I know this is all to stop any further spread of the micromestatasis they found in the lymph nodes and they said they aim to cure and to prevent recurrence, I just hope they're right.
