The hardest part for me is the speed with which life was turned up side down once the true diagnosis was reached. The brutality with which DFSP smashed into my life and wrenched out of my hands so much of my life,(maybe for a period of time) its mind blowing.Its hard to express this to loved ones because they are all willing you better, hoping its all going to be alright, and its not that I am not a fighter but there are times when I just want to scream 'this is awful!' .I have never been in hospital before this, now I have spent 21days in differing hospitals, its weird how you adapt to the environment, I even joined in a game of hospital bingo!
I find it difficult when people feel upset on my behalf for the misdiagnosis, I guess my thinking is that if I can get passed this then why should anyone else feel outraged on my behalf,it won't help me recover and anyway the rareness of the tumour probably contributed to the confusion.
The reason I am writing this blog is because it makes me feel better, simple as this, I find it hard to share with my family and my friends.My elderly mother died only six months ago of bowel cancer, she was too frail for surgery, she died peacefully, she was very much apart of our lives and journeying alongside her in the last few months was profoundly difficult and moving.It seemed harsh to develope sarcoma so soon after her death but I guess life is not about fairness.
