Debs Daily Deliberations - 28

Strap yourselves in folks, we are in for a bumpy ride!!!!! The blog starts out a bit down and poopy but gets better so stick with me kids - you might just wanna skip the first paragraph LOL I touched on this subject in reply on Jillyannes blog, basically we were all in the lounge last night and the backdoor was open. I was freezing, so I get up to shut the door - the kids are yelling "its baking in here", "its hot" and I said "I am really cold" and was about to shut the door at which point hubby interjected "so we all have to bake because you are cold?" I was stunned, shaken (but not stirred) and shocked. I left the door open and retreated upstairs to our bedroom which is always warm as we have an open plan lounge and the heat rises straight upstairs. I wanted to cry but couldn't, now don't get me wrong, I wasn't angry at hubby - it just made me think that perhaps I had been the focus of attention and everything done to please me since December and because I had a brain tumour, that doesn't make it right - we are a family of 5. I felt guilty, ashamed, and so very ALONE. A couple of minutes later his head pops over the bannister and asks if I want a cuppa tea? Thats his way of apologising for any arguement, leave me for a few mins and then offer tea LOL We hadn't argued, it was an awkward moment thats all....he reassures me the door is shut and I can come down. I reiterate there was no problem and I was halfway through a chapter in my book and would be down later. I did go down but I put my hat on for the rest of the evening thinking it was my bald head thats making me cold. So today is my visit from Mandy at Macmillan - again I dress up and apply makeup and don the Sunday best hair. She arrives punctually, thankfully had owned a border terrier and is now the owner of 3 dogs and was happy to have Dexter jump around and then sit on her lap "owning" her. We chatted for a couple of hours and I told her that I had worn my hair just to say thanks to Macmillan for the grant....." you're wearing a wig - I never would have thought that" (oh she's good LOL), we joke, I mock embarassment but take the praise ha ha. It was great to put a face to the voice on the phone and we set up a new calling schedule before she leaves. Now I still have to do my daily run (OK walk) to Tesco's, so I go out in the backgarden and have a quick look around - weather forecasting is another of my many talents ;) ok ok I check the wind direction and see what clouds are heading this way. I decide I can make it there and back before the rain arrives. Now this is another dodgy paragraph about food, my gas oven broke just before my brain surgery (in JANUARY) it lights, but resembles birthday candles rather than a roaring source of heat, so anything you cook would take 2.5 days longer!! At the time the brain surgery seemed a tad more important. Once home and recovered I was happy in my new found enthusiasm for healthy food and was OK using my GForeman Grill for any meats etc, by April I was running out of stove top recipes but we were full swing into radiotherapy and out everyday and couldn't make appointments etc. Well now I have no excuse cos I have a 4 week window of opportunity before the chemo appts start. After dinner last night I ask what they want for today - Lara suggests the only meal she knows - Chicken Nuggets and Chips (gag, such an unsophisticated palate that girl has) and Sean says "Shepherds Pie or Fry Up and we need an oven for Shepherds Pie, so Fry up please"..........ummmm for dinner?!!! "yes" he says......I am wondering if my enforcement of Turkey (its a superfood you know LOL) and chicken over red meats has left him with a craving for a good ole fry up. As no other idea's were thrown into the food arena, thats what we are having for dinner tonight. So Judith, you can quite happily tell your hubby we are having - sausages, bacon, black pudding, egg, mushrooms, beans, toast, hash browns and tomatoes. Easy huh.........well not for me, since the surgery I have a concentration and multitasking problem and am glad that Sean is becoming a very good commis chef asI struggle to watch pans, grill and foreman grill at the same time! I am tad upset I won't be able to get much washing dry as I am only really happy when my washing machine is on, bit of an OCD thing I think - I even look for laundry LOL Hate ironing mind!!!! So thats my story from dusk to noon !!!! Thought for today: The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.