THE BIG OP
OK where did I leave off, ah yes in bed with my Neurosurgeon ......... ok ok ON the bed with my surgeon (its only one little letter different) and he was telling me how they would use the Stealth guidance system to remove "buttercup" and that I would have a couple of holes in the back of my head, where I was "attached" to the stabiliser - do you know what image popped into my head.......those stands you stick Jacket Spuds on LOL oh and that I'd be pleased to know "my boobs were alright" and yes those are the words he used. He is a tall man over 6ft, quite bumbly looking if I might add, with a nice cauliflower ear from his rugby playing days. He was a Cambridge graduate with a penchant for pink shirts. I knew we would get on when I first met him his words were (after saying hello and please sit down) "well this is all a load of bollocks really isnt it!"......couldn't agree more Mr. B lol
So pep talk over a little pat on the hand for me he left ......... and to be honest I just quite numb, I was SO scared. I've only ever been to hospital to have my three children, I do not get ILL ..... so do I start with a little minor op, Noooooooo lets go for having your skull drilled open, computer guided surgeons fiddling in my greymatter and digging out a "probably malignant" lump.
Well I didn't have to wait long, as Thomas - now I need to digress a little more here. Whenever I hear that name I always see in my mind the Tom & Jerry cartoon, the fat legs and hem of the woman yelling "THOMASSSSSSSSSSSSSS YOU BAAAAAAD CAT". So staff nurse Thomas was to be my personal guide, I was horrified to hear I had to "ride" to theatre on my bed...I mean paraded out of the ward like that when it might be my last chance to walk - but nooooooooooo its not allowed. The orderly stank of BO and he kept reminding me how good the breakfast smelled (yeah thanks, I am nil by mouth). The journey to theatre seemed to take forever, Queens in Romford consists of big circular buildings and the corriders seem to wind on round forever! Eventually I was parked in a waiting bay.......I could see people coming in to work and putting their bags in their lockers, Thomas stood quietly by....the faces were a blur as I had to leave my glasses in my locker.
My bloody eyes started leaking again and a theatre nurse gave me some tissues and reassured me that I am not the only grown up to cry before surgery. Next Thomas wheeled me into the Anaeshetic Area, I apologised to my friend who I shared the "scales joke" with, that the dressing holding my canula in was coming off as it got rather wet in the shower, I did try but its sooooo painful I can hardly move my hand. He muttered something about why the hell had they put it in already and don't worry they would sort that out whilst I was "under". I was asked some questions about if I had breathing difficulties when laying flat on my back? I said I never lie flat on my back, I sleep with 2 pillows but assume I am ok?!!!!!!!!
At that a female popped her head through the door, all gowned up and said the surgeons are ready for Mrs Perry.........crikey here goes....the bit where they tell you count backwards, nope they didn't ask me to do anything, just simply said "we are going to put you to sleep now" SHIT AM I AT THE VETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Four and a half hours later, there's Mr. B grinning at me in his greens or blues (can't remember), asking me if I remember where I was......stupid man and he's a surgeon! I am about to have surgery I replied. He grins wider and says "oh no, we've done that, took a bit longer than we anticipated but we got everything that showed on the MRI". I think I muttered thankyou or something equally lame. He then said "we'll have you sitting in a chair eating dinner later"...."sure............" I said and drifted off back to sleep.
Next thing I remember was Tony standing by my bed and looking a bit concerned (haha)......."whats wrong?" I said......"ermmmmm I think you might find they had to cut a bit more of your hair off than they originally said"..... bastards.......I thought to myself LOL Now I could feel a pipe coming down the side of my face and looked to see it finished in a bottle attached to my bed........ewwww there were "bits" and blood and funny coloured liquid steadily flowing. The oxygen thing attached to my nose was annoying me and I told a nurse who came over when she saw I was awake that it smelled funny.....she took it out and sniffed and promptly told me that was the smell of pure oxygen - well I dont like it . Anyways I was too scared to "feel" my head, I was assuming I would be perfectly bandaged .... .just like all the patients in Greys Anatomy ........ nope Tony said. "Do you want me to take a picture so you can see?" ......hmmmmmm "OK".......and voila, here I am around two hours after my 4.5 hr surgery.....
Now I think I look pretty good all things considered, please excuse the state of my hair! I had washed and conditioned and blowdried it in readiness for my hospital stay and someone in the theatre had literally doused me in iodine. Of course there was a fair bit of blood caking it together too. Oh and my glasses are somewhat 'wonky' maybe they lowered one ear while they were at it. I do remember insisting Tony gave me my wedding ring back, Mr B's secretary had told me I couldn't wear it....so I left it at home reluctantly before going in. When I got there a beautiful Malaysian nurse asked where my ring was, I explained and she said "oh no, we'd have taped it up for you!" arghhhhhhhhhhhhh I don't remember too much after, Tony told me I was drifting in and out of sleep. I had no nasty side-effects from the sleeping gas but my throat was a bit sore from the tube I presume.
It was now coming up to 5pm, I got out of theatre at 1.30pm ish and it was now dinnertime. A nurse had looked at my bed and said "we need to change this, its covered in blood" oh don't look Debs......"do you think you could sit in the chair just while we change it?" of course I bloody could..."yes" I feebly answer LOL I go to swing my legs out of the bed only to get tangled in another bloody pipe - my catheter "oh wait!!!!!" she called, "you can't just jump out, you've just had brain surgery!"......really......I hadn't noticed 
. Another nurse appeared (you have one assigned constantly in HDU and a junior) they helped me out of bed which I did sort of fight against but admit the moment I stood up, I realised I felt quite strange..but I shuffled around to the other side of the bed and into the chair. They got on with changing the sheets etc. I must have looked a site, wee pipe and bottle on lap, together with head fluid pipe and bottle and oxygene stand. I asked if I could take the oxygen off, I felt good honest!!!!!! They checked my obs and agreed - wohoooooo 4 hours and one thing disconnected already.
While I was sat in the chair, the lunch trolley came round and I remember that I had chosen cauliflower cheese, I thought I might have trouble chewing etc after the drilling and cranking about they did in my head. The nurse asked if I wanted to stay in the chair to eat my food, "yeah ok" I said. You know whats coming next don't you - ahaaaaaaaaa the gods were doing their rounds. Mr. B rocks up and looks and me and just smiles slightly and said "I told you so"...gawd it must be tiring being so bloody brilliant all the time. He told me I looked great and spoke to Tony a bit telling him pretty much what he told me earlier, or was it here that he told me.......I could be mistaken you know, sleepy gas does that to you!
When I had finished the nurse came back to guide me into bed, "I am fine" I said, "nooooooo you can't sit up this long, we need you back in bed now". Back into bed and rehooked to some "bleeping machine" and then came the 30mins temp and blood pressure checks.......they are annoying you know, everytime you drift off you feel your arm about to explode - how is one supposed to sleep through that and then having the thermometer stuck in your............ear!
Tony watched me sleep on and off for the rest of visiting and went home to the kids. I slept great that night, first time in months and probably if I am honest the best still right uptil now as I wake several times a night still. Around 7am the Lithuanian nurse - very pretty - pulled the curtains around and gloved up, I knew what was coming - catheter removal time........oh NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, just leave it in eh! I had a catheter with my first child after having an epidural and remember the removal ALL TOO WELL. She told me she knew how I felt, she'd had one last year when she had her child and apparently the midwives had lied to her too and told her it wouldnt hurt. She was very gentle and made a slightly embarassing and awkward and painful moment as easy as it could be. I was left to eat my breakfast of tea, toast and cornflakes......about the best meal of the day in hospital LOL
Not long after, I saw the nurses getting ready to give the two men opposite me, bed bathes....oh no you're not I thought, so I unclipped my head drain and popped the bottle in my dressing gown pocket........got my washbag and shuffled slowly to the bathroom, I can do this I tell myself. I looked around and thought shit....where am I gonna put this bloody bottle while I wash??? the cleanest place possible? nope it had to stand on top of the bin LOL I used my expensive but gorgeous scented toiletries my sister had gotten me for crimbo. I looked at my face and hair and decided there wasn't much I could do about that. It took me a long time to get out of the hospital gown and into my own pyjama's......I was completely knackered at the end of it but well pleased with myself. I shuffled back to bed just as the nurse was heading my way with a bowl and towel in hand. "It's ok, I've been and had a wash and you can have this back too" and handed their gown back. "Debs, you really shouldn't be up and about yet"........yeah well, I didnt hear you lot panic when I wasn't in my bed for half hour, I thought but bit my lip.
I then slept for a good few hours and next thing I know the gods are back doing their rounds. Mr B looks at me and says "you're plum right aren't you! how would you like to go home?".......oh would I, too bloody right!!!!! I know I was in HDU but the man opposite me was constantly swearing and there was another man next to him who was blind, had constant nosebleeds, shouted at the nurses every 3-5mins and knocked all his stuff off his tray - completely understandable but how those nurses worked to look after him, changing dresses, picking his stuff up.....coming in to reassure him etc........the lady next to me was very quiet, she had been down late afternoon the same day as me for a spinal operation. But yeah I'd take my chances at home thanks!
Within an hour I was moved into my own room with ensuite facilities and sat......bored if I am honest waiting for lunch. When it turned up it was minced lamb, mash and veg........OMG I can't eat that......."I tell the orderly that I am really sorry but I don't like minced lamb"..."no worry love, I ask for something else"......in comes their supervisor who says, "are you sure Mrs Perry, I asked you yesterday what you wanted and you said this?"........I don't remember a thing, they must have asked while I was still under the sleepy gas effects......he said "don't worry Mrs Perry, it happens......I have (blah blah food lists) ........"can I have the macaroni cheese with wholegrain mustard please" ......."of course you can love" came the reply, those people work really hard and were always cheerful and nothing was too much trouble.
I finally got a signal on my phone and told Tony to get his arse up here cos they are letting me out. Mr B and the godawful junior doc who tried to butcher me with the canular came in, he checked me over and said "yes you can go.......you just need that drain out of your head"........"will it hurt?" I ask stupidly ask..."no Debs, you'll just feel a little tugging, thats all". In came my favourite Malaysian nurse and she sets about removing the head drain, she cuts the stitches holding it in place and starts to pull, and pull and pull and its not freakin budging but HELLFIRE it hurts. I admit, I start to whimper a bit......she is nervous now and says "sorry Debs, this is the tightest one I've had to remove"........"deep breath and I'll give it a good tug"...... WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA and finally it was out - it felt like a red hot poker being dragged backwards out of my head, but now I had a constant stream of fluid trickling down my face. I got through several pads quite quickly, she got Mr. B to pop back in and I told him "you said it wouldn't hurt!!!!!!!"......he chuckled and said "it doesn't, usually".....like he would know, has he ever had one - I doubt it. Suitably chastised, he checks the wound and reassures the nurse it doesn't need stitching and I was free to go. The nurse tells me, I have done so well, I am only the second person to go home within 24 hours of brain surgery that she knew of. Just call me HA MA BRAIN SURGERY SUPERSTAR!
I got dressed in my lounge suit.......but kept my slippers on as I had stupidly gone in wearing a linen shirt, jeans and boots......had realised I probably wouldn't want to go home wearing anything that needed to go over my head but forgot about footwear. Turquoise lounge suit and calf high black leather boots - not a good look even in Essex! So slippers would have to do LOL I then got wheelchaired to the discharge lounge - the most depressing place ever!!! A huge room with people waiting for ambulances and lifts home....they were coughing and most looked too ill to be going home, some were on oxygen - but I guess I wasn't looking too hot either to them LOL
Tony found his way there and we left, I forgot how long a walk back to the car it was - I struggled I admit, but once in the car I was happy - other than keep mopping my brains off my face every few minutes. Tony was NOT happy I was going home, he looked so scared, he kept saying "its so soon after surgery", he drove home about as slow as he drove when we took our first child home from hospital LOL
Home and Dexter was so gentle with me, usually he is as mad as a box of frogs but today he wandered over and didn't jump up just nuzzled my hand until I made a fuss of him - amazing how animals can pick up on things. My recovery was swift until day 3........slowly but surely my entire face started to swell and bruise, it got so bad I couldn't wear my glasses properly as my nose and eyes were so swollen. Lara told me I didn't look like me anymore and was quite scared. I eventually rang the hospital and was told by matron that I left so early, usually the swelling appears during your stay and they can reassure you - but surely someone could have just mentioned it to me before I left - oh well, alls well that ends well........or swell in my case!!!!
Whilst I had been home we had snow.......which had turned to ice on the day I had to venture out of the house for the first time for my staple removal. I cried that morning, I was scared - lets face it, I have been scared at each stage of journey - its the fear of the unknown. Tony got me to the doctors and I sat in the little room and in walks Michelle, the mum of one of the kids at the nursery I looked after. She looked at me and said "Oh Debs, whats happened?????" I tell her and start crying saying I am scared and sorry I don't mean to be embarrassing etc........she tells me she thinks its too early to remove the staples and will check with Barb, Barb is the all knowing oracle at our doctors, she is fabulous but takes no prisoners. She comes in and starts talking to me.........halfway through our conversation I ask "are you taking them out"......."yes" she chuckles "halfway through now".........BLIMEY it didn't hurt........well not until we got to the area where the drain was in.....she had a LOT of trouble getting about 4 out, otherwise it was a piece of cake, what was I worrying about.....just felt a little tugging...hmmmm so this is how the drain was supposed to feel. Michelle confided after that she was too nervous to do it, because she knew me!!! Last photo is of my head before they took the staples out.
I apologise for the hairstyle but this is 5 days after surgery and I still couldn't wash my hair for a further 5. Although Barb said she couldn't see why Tony couldn't rinse the back bits through with some water.......I sat in the bath that afternoon and the smell when Tony poured the water on my head - GAG - Iodine, mixed with blood, sweat and tears (well no tears there but ya get me drift)......the water turned yellow/brown from the blood and iodine and it took me several good hairwashes later to get it all out properly, I could smell that bloomin Iodine for weeks!!!!!
You all know the diagnosis story, Grade II Oligo on Friday, then upgraded (not the same as British Airways offer mind) to a Grade III Oligo by the Tuesday.......in those 4 days they shaved 4 years off me life..........the story continues.
Thanks for sticking with my mammoth blog. I hope to be doing another anniversary/craniversary special next year - although a LOT shorter LOL
Thought for today:
Living in the past is a dull and lonely business; looking back strains the neck muscles, causing you to bump into people not going your way.
Edna Ferber
