Although I would normally blog about how yesterday went, today I am going to take you back to the beginning of my journey. Its Friday 27th November 2009 and exactly one year ago (albeit a Thursday) my day started pretty much the same - although I don't have a headache today.
Got up at 7am, dressed and washed, let Dexter out in the garden. Made the kids lunches saw them off to school and left for work at 8.25am. Walked to Tesco's as I buy the kids snacks daily for the nursery as I have to walk past anyway (and hey I get the Clubcard points lol). Had taken a couple of paracetamol as yet again I had "woken" with a headache in the morning before the kids had even had a chance to stress me out - feel a tad cheated by that!
Work went well, I only do 3 hours and the kids are mostly little darlings who make me laugh and well, you can't call building lego models, painting, gluing, playdoh and reading stories hard work can you. Watching the little monkeys is another matter but when you love what you do, it makes it a whole lot easier. Finished work at midday and left for Tesco's again - this time to do my own shopping. I took my time today and browsed the Christmas aisle for bits and bobs that might work as stocking fillers. Bumped into two of the girls I work with (its literally 3 mins from Tesco's at the other end of the carpark) and had a little chat.
I remember walking home and getting to as far as the duckpond round the corner from my house. Next thing I know I 'come to' face down on the front lawn. My shopping bags are beside me as is my handbag - which I checked first in case I had been mugged (not that the area is known for it but what other reason could there be!). I pick myself up and collect the bags and go inside. Give the dog a treat as I always do and thought it was strange that I wasn't busting for the loo - I never go at work, no time. Thats when I realised I had 'relieved' myself already.
Had I not telephoned my husband and said "I think I just passed out in the front garden" and had he not said "why are you phoning me, phone the doctor thats not right" I would have cleaned myself up and put the shopping away and carried on as normal. I thought he was making a mountain out of a molehill but phoned our GP surgery where I was told by the receptionist that I should go straight to hospital. Back on the phone to Tony and ask him to come home and take me.
Like any loving husband he does this. We don't have to wait in A&E for very long before I am seen, but I am very embarassed at having to keep telling doctors and nurses that I had pee'd myself and passed out. I had lights shone in my eyes, I was made to smile and hold my arms out. People came and went and eventually I was told they wanted me to have a CT scan as I had definately had a "big" seizure. In the meantime, Tony had to phone friends to collect Lara from school as she was still at primary then and check the boys had their keys.
I had my CT scan and they could see 'something' I was told I could have had a bleed, a mini stroke but they weren't sure and wanted to keep me in so I could have an MRI the following day. It seemed like everything was starting to gather speed and I was being swept along. I'd never been in hospital apart from having our 3 children. I argued, they won! Tony went home and fed the kids and brought me some pyjama's and my washbag. The kids visited for a bit and I was left on the ward with three other ladies who age must have averaged out at 75-80 years old and were all in due to uncontrollable diabetes.
Two of them snored VERY loudly one wanted to keep talking to me and to be honest, I just wanted to be left alone. I made it through the night to the sound of the lady opposite continually calling out "I need a twinkle" and sat around waiting for my MRI. At 3pm my assigned doctor (very nice young lady too) told me I hadn't been put on the list and wouldn't get the MRI till Monday - OH NOOOOOOOO - I begged to be let home, which she agreed to as long as I came back by 6pm Sunday evening. I didn't eat much that weekend as my tongue was black and blue, literally from where I had constantly bitten it through the seizure. The doctor told me I had a very big seizure which probably lasted 10-15mins, boy did I ache - the best workout I've ever done and I was bloody unconscious at the time and don't remember!
Back to the present - today is a double celebration for me, not only did I survive brain surgery and radiotherapy, I finish my 6 months course of chemo today and it also marks a year of being seizure free. I should be really happy shouldn't I......well I am not unhappy, I am completely bamboozled by all the emotions I am feeling.
Yes I have finished treatment - but hang on, my cancer isn't curable and I am now flying solo without a safety harness - ok I still have an MRI every 3 months. I am a very positive person. I feel better than I have for years - no headaches apart from the monthly niggles and when the chemo was making my brain swell, so I've gained a bit of weight and lost a bit of hair and retired......I still have all my faculties (such as they were lol) and most importantly I AM STILL HERE!
So, why oh why is the prognosis demon visiting me. I was told I have on average 2.5 to 3 years to live after my diagnosis and I've always wanted to prove them wrong, but reaching this first year might also mean thats a third of my life DONE. Silly isn't it but I am being honest here by saying it, I'd be lying if I said I could just shut it out completely.......sometimes it taps on the window, I generally stick two fingers up at it, but the bugger never seems to go too far away.
Anyway, yesterday went well....I eventually had 'movement' after a walk to Tesco's and that made me feel a whole lot better. I've not had any headaches this time, I did find myself incredibly tired by 9pm last night but forced myself to stay awake and watch IACGMOOH - Ant and Dec were on form as usual. The only problem I've really had with this last cycle is chronic acid indigestion. I woke at 2.30am last night in agony from it! Still a couple of glugs of Gaviscom (yes I know its really bad to drink from the bottle but I didn't have my glasses on, it was dark the middle of the night blah blah thats my excuse and I am sticking to it) and back to bed.
Hopefully the last I see of them for a long time (still have to take the big white anti-biotic till the end of the month)
Thought for today:
A bend in the road is not the end of the road... unless you fail to make the turn.
Author Unknown
