Thursday and day 4 of chemo. I am still waking headache free and for that I am truly grateful but today was NOT a good day. I managed my walk to Tesco's, slowly in the Autumn Sun but once inside I had to cling to my little trolley for dear life, I didn't feel "with it" a bit like how you feel when one of your kids wakes you up in the night and you have to jump outta bed and sort something out.....a bit disconnected, fuzzy.......NO LIKEY!! I carried on round the shop and was intending to bake a caramelised red onion and goats cheese tart for dinner but as I didn't feel right and somewhat panicky...like OMG is this what a seizure feels like before - am I going to fall to the ground and flap like a fish!!!! I grabbed a Tesco's finest Gruyere, Balsamic onion and pancetta quiche and a small ordinary quiche Lorraine for Jack. Sean wanted fish & chips so I made my way through the shop and got him some cod and bought some oven chips (I know what would Delia say LOL). I remembered my laundry detergent and milk and got through the tills and outside........arghhhhhhh fresh air and the warm sun seemed to make everything feel better again. My heart was racing a bit but that could be the tablets too. Todays photographic intermissions are just some tree's I liked!
Taken early spring 2006 on the commonland that the horses graze on.
The walk home was slow and shaky but by the time I got there I felt so much better. Then it hit me......Birthday Card!!!! Lara was going to a Quasar Party tonight, I was unloading the groceries in the kitchen, "where's Jessie's card Mum?"......"sorry darling I forgot it, we'll sort something out"......."how could you forget the card!!!!!!!" well, now normally I don't talk much about the chemo etc to Lara as she isn't fully aware of "the big picture" and she thinks I just take a few tablets which make me feel icky......but today I said "I didn't mean too, since the brain surgery Lara I struggle to remember things and add the chemo tablets on top, it's not my fault!"....not my fault, OMG what am I a child again!! Lara said "I didn't mean to make you feel bad Mum, just don't understand how you could forget". Thank goodness for Microsoft Works, one beautiful floral card, personalised inside and out printed off on Dad's karate certificate paper (shhhhhhhhhhhh) and an envelope found all was right with the world again.
Taken on Cadbury Hill, Somerset 2006
Tony came home from work and I managed to have a coffee waiting and was toasting some English Muffins for them to have before they drop Lara at the party and go onto karate. I was feeling REALLY rank now, Buttercup was playing "by the rivers of babylon" on steel drums inside my head and now nausea, hello you.....thought I'd got away with it this week! The house all quiet I put the oven to warm up - double checked it before heading to the bath for a soak. Didn't help but at least I smelled better. I layed on the sofa and watched NCIS:Los Angeles, well sort of watched it, my eyes kept closing and in between dashing to the kitchen to put the quiche's in, the fish and the chips. Now it smelled lovely.......but I kept gagging, great I am starving but feel sick. So I settled for a bowl of chips with salt & vinegar and then promptly went to bed at 7.45pm.......so glad tomorrow is the last day and then just one more cycle to get through - till things change again!
Also taken on Cadbury Hill, Somerset 2006
Thought for today:
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.
Ambrose Redmoon
