Mum's got Cancer!!

Hi my name is Lauren and i've recently found out my Mum has Cancer i dont know how to deal with this in all honesty!! I want to kick scream shout and go mad!! I hate myself in a way as i think because of all the stress and stuff i have put her through in the past it's kinda my fault she has it, because i have to be honest i was and still am the child from Hell!! I mean i'm 18 years old i need to grow up!! But i'm trying but i cant see to get the old lazy argumentative sod out of me! i'm going to be there for her through out it all and will care for her and give her kisses and cuddles whenever she need's them, But how am i going to do this when i can hardly cope with what's going on, my problem is i show emotion through anger unlike my Sister Kerry who's 20 dosent show emotion at all...her friends are telling me Oh you need to realise your sister is going through the same as you why should you get all the attention??? WHAT??!!! Attention!! For god sake i dont want attention i just dont want my Mum to die of Cancer!! What is wrong with everyone? I could'nt care less if no-one even spoke to me ever again as long as my Mum got better! I hate the way people presume just because my Sister dosent show how she feel's it's because no-one cares! I care!!....Infact i care alot!!!! When something like this happens it truley makes you realise how much i need my Sister and my Dad Infact all my family. It also makes you realise how much i need my Mum...It didnt make me realise how much i love her because i love her so much anyway that if it was a feeling like pain i would be dead!! If anything My Mum is my best friend and how could i live without her!! All i know is my Mum is healthy young and strong and if anything she wont go without a fight!! xxx