So basically on Thursday I finally told my tutor about everything that's been going on with my mum. I don't think he was expecting to hear that my mum was dying. Academically, I'm going to be monitored until my January exams, if things go bad in January I can either defer the exams until august next year or take the year out. Not exactly a great selection of choice.
He also told me about the counselling service which I'm just signing up to now. My tutor was quite helpful and I think I will be seeing much more of him in future when things go from bad to worse.
However, it was after I'd left the meeting that things started to go weird for me. I decided to head into town but I felt that I was just aimlessly floating around doing nothing, just wasting time. I went from shop to shop with no intention of going in there or buying anything. I couldn't really think straight about things that I needed to buy and quickly forgot things when they came into my head, I struggled to talk to people and occasionally ended up stuttering. It was quite embarrassing.
When I was walking up the high street it felt like I was in a bubble, all the background noise seemed to fade out and I remember people giving me these weird looks. I felt really uncomfortable walking around.
Eventually when I got back home I felt literally exhausted. It was have been around three o'clock in the afternoon and fell to sleep. I woke up to have a snack at 22:00 and then back to sleep again. I didn't have anything else to eat except breakfast as well which is quite unusual for me.
This hasn't happened again but my sleep patterns are getting really irregular since that day.
I still haven't told my flatmates. I need to do that at some point but I just cant find a suitable time.
My friends are also keep trying to get me out of the house but I really don't want to go out, its not as if I've got anything good to celebrate about at the moment. I keep saying no every time and I can tell they're beginning to notice and get fed up. I guess I'm digging myself a hole not telling them but I don't think I could feel any less sociable even if I tried.
