I was diagnosed in October 2023 with breast cancer. I was in the UK at the time. I moved back home - South Africa - so I could have family around to help and support me. Since then, January 2024 I had a lumpectomy and axilla dissection (8 lymph nodes removed and 2 were malignant). About 3 weeks later they found more cancer in my breast, and within 3 days I had a double mastectomy. Then chemo started and the hair loss began, the extreme fatigue, the swollen belly.
And all the other stuff that hits us when we diagnosed with cancer, is something we never prepared for. Or at least, I wasn't prepared for.
1) My Family - I want to spare them the ugliness, the pain and fear I am going through (because I love them), but the more I try and hide it, the more it eats away at my insides and the more I suffer!! This is definitely not their fault. I know they want to help me. I know they adore me and will do anything for me. But they cannot possibly understand what is happening mentally and emotionally and physically to me.
2) My Body - I go from reasonably looking to ugly overnight. So hard to look in the mirror. Hate going out and having to find headgear that doesn't make me look like a walking cancer patient. The fatigue is beyond words. From walking 6 - 10 kms per day, now I can barely walk from the sitting room to the bedroom. Will I ever be normal again?
3) My Finances - I had to quit my job as a Carer in the UK. I have no savings and no assets. I feel like the worst financial burden on my precious family and I hate it! I really, really hate it. So, I looked for something I could do online. Something I could do from the comfort of my sister's home. Something where all I needed was a smartphone/laptop and WiFi. And I discovered a digital e-learning proven program where I am learning new skills and will be earning. It does take at least 2 - 3 hours per day, but I can space these hours out over the day when I feel well enough. I am not sure if I am allowed to share this with you here but I will put a link and Macmillan can delete it if it is not allowed. I just thought I would help others because I am sure there are other cancer sufferers that are currently unable to go out to work but could do something online. www.digital-flexibility.com or go to https://digital-flexbility.com/ready and view the 4 products.
4) My Future - do I have a future? And if so, how long? Of course, no-one knows - not even those who do not have cancer!! So perhaps that is one of those things I should not be concerned about. However, I assure you, that if I am well by 2026, I will be hiring a camper van and travelling through Europe, starting in Portugal, for the whole of the Summer.
I am sure for many of you reading this, there will be other "other stuff". This is my personal stuff. I am glad I can share. Putting my thoughts and feelings and fears and dreams on paper, helps tremendously.
Always remember - to those that are well and reading this - your health is your wealth!!!
