I really love this place but generally it's difficult for me to talk about myself.
Everything is so difficult for me lately. I know, people expect us to smile and say everything is great. But what if it's not? This past month I've been coughing a lot!! The coughing during the day is tolerable and not so bad. But then as it gets to about 7-8 pm the coughing gets difficult. When this happens I practically glue myself to the sofa so that my back will have some support. However my neck and chest are very painful by the time I can relieve the coughing late at night. So can you blame me for waking up late to work today (9:15 am!!!)
My treatment now consists of chemo. The name of the chemo is treaky so I won't even try to write it down. It's a weekly joy. I do it just before the weekend starts so that I have all the weekend to sleep or lay weak in bed and then another long week begins in a full time job that pays not enough, in almost bankrupt company. I have no challenge at work, no difficult assignments but to stay awake until the end of the work day. I would have gone job hunting only that I don't have the time or energy to do this.
This weekend I was reminded that I'm still a young woman. I had a slight period. It freaked me because I haven't had one for more than 3 years due to the anti hormonal treatment I received when the cancer was first diagnosed. And from what I understood estrogen is my worst enemy and so no more periods for me. Just to be sure I went to the E.R. to get checked by a gynocoligt who confirmed it. He said that I'm still fertile - slightly. So.... estrogen is back. And I'm wondering if it's still bad for me. I have all these questions - estrogen good/bad? coughing side effect of chemo or new m___ (I can't even write it). So I called the onc's secretary yesterday to change the appointment and today she said it'll be in 2 weeks (originally it was in a month). Oh well. At least it's earlier.
Good night all you beautiful souls who are reading my post. It make me feel better to know that someone will read this.
