hi everybody,
I haven't been here for ages.
Just a small update about myself. After almost 2 years with Tamoxifen which is the only anti hormonal medicine for women my age(that and shots or surgery to put the ovaries to sleep), and after trying for a short time a med for post menopausal women, doc said it's about time to move on to chemo. Even though I knew it was the only option, I was so scared when he said it out loud. So now, about 5 weeks after I started the new treatment of chemo(pills)+biological(IV), I am still overwhelmed. I still get the Zometa (iv for bones) and the shots to keep my ovaries sleeping. Even though I'm so grateful for this super cancer fight treatment, I'm sooooo tired of it all. I get the Zometa once every 4 weeks, the Decapeptyl shots once every 3 months, the Avastin(biological) every 3 weeks and the oncologist appointment every 6 weeks. But it turned out that next week I get all of them at once and by Thursday I start out witht the next cycle of Xeloda (4 pills in the morning and 4 in the evening). It's just too much. Three times next week to see the hospital is more than enough.
After 2 years of treatment in that hospital I can't see that place anymore. I get angry and fraustrated every time I get inside the hospital. And just before the move to chemo, I got radiation for my back so I needed to see the hospital every day for almost 3 weeks. I am so tired physically and emotionally, and there I have mood swings that change by the second. Also I don't think before I speak or decide something, I make foolish choices that get me in trouble at work and with friends and family. I don't know if it's because of stress or change in hormones because I stoped with the anti hormone treatment.
After all I've been through, the pain, the broken bone in my back, the surgery for the back, the surgery for the breast, stopping my fertility abruptly, the chemo, the terrible news that I can't be cured of cancer, after all that I've been through and done it on my own and kept strong, now I feel so weak and tired, and fraustrated.
