This is my third attempt to write this blog today... It should have been the day my lovely Dad came out of hospital where he has been the last 6 weeks, 60 miles away from his home n family.
It's been the hardest day for me so far, don't ask why, maybe that after the district nurse came to inflate the mattress for the hospital bed my Mum now has in the dining room, was the fact that my Dad is coming out on a stretcher. Not the way you'd expect to be coming home! A man who upto Xmas was playing 18 holes of golf twice a week n was just complaining of being a bit tired afterwards.
He was diagnosed with mesothelioma just 15 days ago and it's turned my world upside down.
Today I've felt very anxious and tense. I was the one who pushed to get Dad home as I felt being in a room alone with only a frosted window wasn't helping his mental state whatsoever, he needs to have his family around him to help. But as the equipment arrived, bed, mattress, commode, wheelchair to follow plus the phone calls about us emptying chest drains, administering morphine and the fact that they didn't recommend bed sides as he had tried to climb over them in hospital and pulled out the drains and catheter, no, he doesnt have dementia, just drugs given to quell the pain. I did question whether we were doing the right thing, maybe me just being a coward.
Writing this does help in a way too relieve how I feel, after keeping a stiff upper lip for the family. Sorry if anyone who reads this gets scared but the fact is it is scary ... But I have to cope, be strong, for my lovely wonderful Dad who has always been there for me.
The hospital rang this afternoon .... They couldn't get the transport arranged, now it's tomorrow, we had to phone Dad and disappoint him yet again!!
Julie
FormerMember
Oh Julie my heart goes out to you My Dad died on Sunday he was so very precious to me I too got him out of hospital to all the same as you the bed commodes and chairs etc he was only at home three weeks but I know I did the right thing and I am sure you will feel the same It will be hard and heart breaking but he will be in the right place My love and hugs go to you X
First i'm so sorry you find yourself here and having to get your head around your dad's illness in a short timespan.
I lost my dad to cancer at Christmas and although her lived 6 months from being diagnosed he was only 1 week immobile and with all the equipment and district nurses etc.
Yes, it is hard to nurse a loved one at home both physically and mentally but it felt that it was a priviledge to do so and it brought such a closeness and calmness that no one can take away. I feel such peace now when I think about that last week and know as a family we did everything to make dad comfortable and he was where he wanted to be.
Hope this is useful to you and PM me if you want any support emotionally or practically. I am a nurse myself and i think that did make it easier.
Well today so far has gone ok ish, with 36 minutes to midnight... Dad arrived home and apart from a phone call to 111, the district nurse had to visit to check the catheter was working properly, we had a lovely afternoon of chat. Mum, Dad, myself and hubby popping back and forth from lawn cutting.
We left them at 10, with the white board written up with medication instructions, the oxygen pump rattling away in the corner, but a sense of ... One day at a time sweet Jesus.
Night night my lovely Dad, sweet dreams only please.
Hugs n good wishes to all of you struggling out there, like me. Thank you all so much, it really does help.
Julie xxx
Is one supposed to blog in a morning? Surely it's about things that have gone on during the day, or maybe we can just switch off our clocks during such stressful times n type whatever!!
Just phoned Mum n she's been up n down with Dad all night, he seems to be panicking, he's pulled the oxygen wires out several times and just generally seems agitated.
Why I 'm asking myself when this dreadful disease is 24/7 haven't we got outside help, i don't like ringing 111, besides it takes an age for someone to get back to you. I need more support for Mum at night or we won't cope during the day. I'm panicking now, not good, just waffling on with my blog....
Have a good day everyone, enjoy time with your loved ones.... I no doubt will be back
Julie
Julie you blog whenever you want my sweet if it helps you. I know what your going through my darling - as hard as it is to do be strong honey. My dad passed away on Friday after being diagnosed 3 weeks ago. Im still waking up thinking its all been a cruel dream, then I feel sick thinking of how my dear mum feels waking up at home in an empty bed with all my dads things around her. Sometimes I think im genuinely going to lose my mind. My dad went through the same thing, pulling off oxygen, drips and even all of his clothes on a regular basis. Agitation upsetting as it is,is part of the illness, which were were never told at the time. We were thinking it was all the medication he was on. I feel a huge sense if guilt that our dad didn't get to come home as he wanted to all the time but he was so ill my mum couldn't have coped not being well herself. She stayed at the hospital with him for nights on end going though the same as your lovely mum. At least your dad is at home with you which will be a help for him. l wish i could put my arms around you and hug you right now. Please try and be strong for both your mum and dad, they need you. Don't forget emotionally everything your going through is normal.
Sending you love and strength.
Love Lisa.xxx
