dad got cancer the first time about 7 years ago, it was just a couple of bits on his vocal cords, they scraped and then gave him radiotherapy, and then it was gone.
about 20 months ago they found he had cancer of the esophagus, his throat had been closing up very quickly and he was having trouble eating. annoyingly months before he'd asked his doctor if he could have this, but the doctor just told him no, didnt look, didnt do any tests. if the guy had just given dad a barium test, he would've seen it, and we might not be where we are now.
dad got very skinny, and had to have a tube up his nose to squirt food into his stomach, it was the summer so it upset him even more, not being able to enjoy his usual BBQ's!
they operated, they removed it all, moved his stomach into his chest and now he breaths from a hole in his neck. he had chemo and radiotherapy, which wasnt nice, first time ive seen my dad cry, from the pain of his skin.
but then it was gone, we just had to live with the aftermath. at first he used a cervox to speak, then he got the valve and the gasket thingy and now his voice is good, it almost sounds like him again. its amazing the technology that gives him a voice without a voice box.
i had a baby 4 months ago, his second grandchild, the first was my sisters, she had a little boy, named after him, the day he first went into hospital. i dont think dad would've got through it all if he didnt have that beautiful baby boy to come home to.
3 months ago, they told us it was back, but this time its in his lungs and his neck. they say other than trying to give him more time, theres nothing they can do.
how does a person cope with news like that? it breaks my heart every single day, the day he told us, he looked down at my new daughter, and told her he was sorry that he wouldnt get to see her grow up.
ive always been the person to cope in my family, always strong, but its so hard now, how do you cope when there's no cure. my dad is going to die, and there is nothing i can do about it.
we're hoping that its slow to develop, and there are always new treatments etc... coming out, but its hard to keep hoping and praying and not just crying.
ive always had the answer before, when my siblings were upset and stuff, there was always the next step to concentrate on....but what now.
hes having tests again in december to see how much its grown and whether they can give him chemo yet, and how long he might have.
how do you get through each day, knowing its coming to an end? it breaks my heart, and its hard to be positive. i dont know anyone else who's gone through something like this.
