Why do parents feel it is for the best NOT to discuss important things with their children?
So just a short recap: Dad had his operation, the cancer was worse than what showed on the scans, had to have a stoma which kept leaking and was causing a great deal of hassle and stress. After 3 attempts they did the reversal operation and he eventually came home.
My parents went to an appointment with the surgeon and my mum said he told them that they had removed the cancer, and made an appointment for him to see an oncologist for chemotherapy.
However, my dad is still getting a lot of pain, still isn't eating properly and isn't sleeping.
So my mum took my dad to see the gp, to get some pain relief and she told them that as they were under palliative care she could prescribe Morphine for him. This knocked them for six, as no-one else had mentioned my dads treatment was now palliative.
My mum told my sister about the trip to the gp, but not me. However my sister mentioned it to me as she was concerned about what was going on. I rang my mum, and she said they had not wanted to tell me. Apparently when they were at the appointment with the oncologist she had told them that with Chemotherapy my dad should have about 2 years.
But when the gp said palliative care they had been taken aback thinking maybe they had less time.
I said to my mum that palliative doesn't mean its not long left, which is what they had thought, that there were people on this site that receive palliative care for 2 - 3 years sometimes 5 years and some longer.
The gp is helping them to sort out the pain relief, so hopefully that will make my dad more comfortable.
I told my mum that I'd rather know what is going on, than to have to try and find out and guess. They seem to think that by saying everything is fine, that it might be, even though we can clearly see that it isn't!
Parents not telling their children everything that is going on, is actually more worrying and stressful for the children than keeping them informed. Because we get concerned about our parents.
