Everyone says that if something is bothering you, try writing it down so here goes nothing!
My Dad was diagnosed with Advanced Bowel Cancer April 2009 after months of being told he had back trouble. When myself and Mum were sat in the hosptial room waiting for the results i think we both knew what was coming and it wasn't his back. We were asked to leave by the Consultant and that just confirmed it, 10 minutes later we were let back into the room n told they've found a "growth" and a biopsy would tell them what is was. The following day... I went to Tesco and did the BIG shop, as you do! I walked around like a zombie, crying now & again and people looking at me like I was insane. 3 days, a small op and a few scans later the results were back... not only did he have cancer of the Bowel but it had spread to Liver and Lungs. From that point on my life felt like it stopped. I went to Christies with my Mum & Dad for the first time to get used to it and it wasn't that bad, after that I could take my Dad on my own and wait n have a coffee while he had Radiotherpy. He's since had chemo and waiting for new results to see what happens next.
At first friends were great, some reacted weirdly and true colours began to show and sadly I no longer speak to a few as gossip got the better of them rather than real concern. Others want to talk to me about it all the time and some can't bring themselves to look at me if I need to vent a little but I can't blame them. One friend lost his Mum to cancer 5 years ago... i avoided him like the plague but I think we're getting there now!
My boyfriend has been my rock, we've been together for 10 years so this has affected him as much as me. He puts up with the mood swings, not sleeping, crying, rants and panics over nothing and drops everything to take me to the hospital... he also hugs me when thats all i need.
Everywhere I go I feel like I'm surrounded by it, first day at my new job and there was a sign on the board "Christies Management Meeting" - enough to set me off.
I don't want to ask him everyday how he is and drive him round the bend but some days he won't speak or move... others we're off to the pub for half and hour. I sleep with my phone on and check it throughout the day, i jump if they call me at work (as once the call was to say he'd been rushed in).
I think my point is in a round about way is, life's never the same once you hear the word Cancer and even though we're a year on and treatment appears to be going well I'm still a wreck.
My Dad is a big man, tall & handsome. I picture him standing in the doorway loosening his tie and taking off his cufflinks... muttering to himself and getting a whiskey or jetting off to far off place with work and calling to say he met Micheal Cane on the flight "he's ever so charming" or had sandwiches with Ainsley Harriot! But now he's smaller, tired and sore but still as strong if not stronger to me.
That's my story.. writing it down has helped.. theres more but don't want to bore the poor souls you read this!
Onwards & Upwards!
