So here I am, catching up to the sort of technical stuff most people take for granted, personally I'm much happier with pen and paper but there you go!
When Dad was diagnosed with cancer in his right lung and duodenum just before Easter this year I went into shock. He had been ill with various things for years, sadly most of it as a result of self infliction, but the reality was that this was now something a short stay in hospital or some pills couldn't solve.
Mum had had cancer when I was 19 and because it was caught early, she had the op to remove the tumour in her bowel and didn't need any further treatment. She had follow up checks but 16 years on, she is physically fine. So when Dad was told he had it, I thought, ok, so he'll have an op, then maybe some treatment and we can move on, right?
Wrong, surgery was not an option, radiotherapy not an option, so what could they do? By the time they got round to discussing options, the tumour in his lung that was supposedly non-aggressive, had doubled in size and had spread via the lymph system to his live where there was another tumour growing. At 79, he was told that if he wanted to, they could give him a course of chemotherapy but there were no guarantees. Otherwise without anything, he had months. WHAT? Are you kidding me?
To say that since then I have already run the whole gauntlet of emotions is an understatement - fear, anger, frustration, despair... you name it! I had an astrological birth chart done years ago as a present from a friend. Part of it said that I've got naturally heightened senses and emotions, when I feel something I FEEL it, no kidding, OMG!! In a way, it helps, I couldn't bottle things up if I tried, very un stiff upper lip.
Friends have been quick to say 'If there is anything I can do..' lovely, don't misunderstand me, I really appreciate it, but the thing is, what can they do? What can I do? I can't magic the cancer away, hey if we could do that then no-one would ever lose a loved one right? I'm not a doctor or surgeon, so I can't treat him, so I just have to rack my brains as to how I can help. It's the worst example of a watch this space/waiting game I know and it doesn't look like ending soon!
