Sleep seems to be eluding me recently, well enough sleep is probably a better description. I go to bed feeling suitably knackered, that you’d think I’d drop of pretty quickly then lay there for hours.
Its almost as soon as my head hits the pillow my brain goes ‘oh goody, its random shit time again’ so I spend hours pondering inane things.
Are we alone in the universe? What do cats and dogs really think of us? Do penguins have knees? These and more ridiculous thoughts drift about in my head, I often just give up on the whole trying to sleep thing and go back downstairs, at least then Susie will get some sleep.
Theres nothing worse than having an other half who pretty much starts z’ding away as soon as she turns the light out and her head hits the pillow. It seems grossly unfair that out of the two of us, I have to do all the ‘pondering life’s questions’ 
(Oh and as I think I’m getting an idea of the sort of lovely people who read my stuff now, to stop you having to google it, yes Penguins do indeed have knees 
)
There is something very cathartic about sitting here typing away, sharing my thoughts with anyone who reads these blogs. Its also to be honest a lot easier, I mean otherwise I’d have to go up to friends and strangers in the street and stand there telling them all this stuff and then where would I be? In the nearest mental health unit I should think, reading some of this stuff back. 
Since I’ve started writing my blog posts, I’ve found myself receiving messages from people I lost touch with and who I only rarely connect with now on Facebook. One such friend is Kate, she contacted me to say hi and how sorry she was to read my news, which was very sweet and thoughtful of her.
She went on to give me some blogging advice as she too had an out of the blue medical nightmare in early 2013. She suddenly got a cold left leg, so went to her doctors about it, to cut a long story short, she had to have her left foot removed due to severe clots in that leg. ( I just read that line please excuse the pun 
)
Her blog has the wonderful title of ‘Silence of the Limbs’ I will endeavour to get the link for you all. I read all of it on Friday night (you think some of my posts are long ) it made me both giggle uncontrollably at her descriptions of some of the patients in the ward she was in (Margaret farting on the nurse Joanne’s hand being a particular highlight 
) but also sob my heart out on Kate’s behalf at just how cruel fate can be to us all at times.
(I spoke to Kate this morning and her blog can be found at http://silenceofthelimbs.blogspot.com do go and have a read if you fancy a giggle, shes a very funny lady )
It made me realise that both writing a blog and reading someone else’s is very helpful, its letting me process and cope with the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal. Even if no one reads my inane ramblings I would still be writing this stuff as its giving me a focus and on occasion making my laugh at my own weird sense of humour.
After reading Kate’s blog, it made me determined to beat Cyril and get back to normal. Not just for mine and my families sake, but so I can go an reconnect with wonderful friends I’ve not seen in years like Kate. (She gives the absolute best hugs by the way )
So thank you for reading my ramblings, if indeed you do and I hope if your finding life hard at the moment, or going through something tough or just plain weird, that in some small way what I write is a help to you.
Right, time I had a shower (will be the first in several days 
because well I’m a smelly boy and I couldn’t be arsed) as I have to go and see the Mental health counsellor that Pippa has organised for me. Where would I be without Pippa
