Hi all, My journey started earlier this year with a cough that was treated with antibiotics but allways came back. the doctor sent me for a chest x ray on the 16th July which came back very quickly on the 18th as "abnormal". I was called for a ct scan on the 21st and that came back as abnormal too on the 31st. I went to see my lovely GP and he said i had a two inch "something" in my lower left lung and some spread.
I went to see the doctor at the chest clinic on Wednesday 6th of August to be told i have Lung Cancer in my left lung and it has spread to my Lymph nodes in my chest. The appointment would have been easier if the doctor had been able to speak good English ! we kept having to ask him to repeat himself as his use of the english language was very poor.
I was then taken into a small room and introduced to my lung specialist nurse who proceded to stroke my arm and ask me if i had any questions, now while i am sure these nurses do a great job i had never met her before and was in total shock so i just said i wanted to go home and i left.
Things have moved pretty quick since then, i have an appointment to have a PET scan next thursday the 14th of August and will get an appointment for a lung biopsy sometime soon. I have to go back to see the specialist on the 21st of August where hopefully he will have all the results and a plan of action !!
The emotions i have felt over the last couple of days have left me feeling so drained, i have never cried so much and the anger i felt really frightened me, i wanted to smash something into tiny peices.
the guilt i feel is enormous too as i have been a smoker for 40 years so my cancer is self inflicted and even after been diagnosed i cant give up the evil weed !
I gave myself a mental kick up the behind this morning and i have decided im still breathing, have a lot to be thankfull for and i need to try and get on with my life in as "normal" a way as possible.
I have made a stew for tea, i cant face another take away. I am going to ring the smoking cessation clinic today for an appointment for help to give up those little white sticks that have put me where i am today. And an appointment to see the gp for something to calm me down before my pet scan as i suffer from claustrophobia and panic attacks.
My Family life is a bit up and down, my oldest Son hasnt spoken to me since xmas day as i am supposed to have said something unforgivable to his girlfriend but he wont tell me what. Some of the family have said that i need to tell him i am ill but my feelings are that if he doesnt want to be in my life when i am well then i dont want him back in my life just because i am ill and may die sooner than we all thought.
My Daughter went on holiday the day i found out i was ill so i didnt tell her but she is back today and i cant avoid that one for much longer.
Im not ready to die, ive got so many things to do and so many places to visit so today is the first day of my fightback. C you have been warned !!
Love and hugs to all who are going through this journey too. Lynn xxx
