Bogus People on the Site

1 minute read time.

OK Guys -  Finding this a bit difficult to put my thoughts into a coherent form while not offending anyone, some of whom are closer friends than I have ever had before.

We regularly get new people appearing on the site and looking to us for help and support - the thing that all of us probably think makes the Site worthwhile and  the  members are fantasic at doing because of their own varied experiences as Patients, Carers and Relatives.

Just occasionally we have a problem - out and out nutters that come on just to cause disruption - OK - not nice but is a fact of life for any site.

The worst offenders though are the people who come on here masquarading as Patients, Carers or relatives and appear to be genuine and looking for the usual support. Not sure what the kick is they get in talking to us or see us reaching out to them with the help and support they are asking for.

In some cases our own experiences uncover their lack of knowledge, experience or treatment details they claim to have had.

In other cases we do not have any 'proof' but we build up an idea that someone is 'Not Real'  in these cases we may build up a prejudice that has no foundation and a whispering campagne starts . If we really do reach this conclusion then I believe the best course of action is just to ignore them and not to engage them in conversation.

What I do think is wrong is to send  Messages that may be upsetting when - if they are Genuine, they are at the most vunerable stage of their lives - or sadly - due to the nature of this site - their deaths.

I would rather offer help and support to 99 people who may later turn out to be false than risk turning away 1 genuine person - unless I was100%  certain of my proof

Sorry I do not have any earth shattering ideas on how we can avoid the problem of the disturbed people that come on the site.

This is not meant to sound like I am lecturing anyone - but also feel I cannot just sit back and say nothing

love and hugs to all

John

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi janey.

    thats the trouble with the internet were anyone can pretend to be anyone..

    i think some people are just so lonelly, they have no friends and no one even notices them.

    so for attention they join a site on the internet..be it facebook on here or anywhere really..

    they pretend to be something there not just so they get attention and feel important...

    its sad really that people have such a bad life that they have to pretend..

    men pretend to be women or much younger then they are...and women do the same...people put up photos of someone and pretend its them..  

    the more attention they seek the wilder there claims will be..

    its that way all over online...all we can do is be carefull..

    the  genuine members really should not have to worry about stuff like this on here....

    but as mere members what can we do ?  nothing really..

    BUT those who run this site MUST be able to do something somehow..

    im on the hull daily mail forum...quite a few footy forums...kcfm radio forum and a few others..somehow they seem to be able to boot off spam messages such as those send me your e mail address ones the minute they get posted.....and if people do get caught mesing about they seem to be able to ban them and they cant get back on from the same connection....and if anyone posts a link like that porn one someone added it gets booted straight away..i dont know why they cant do it on here...

    on alot of sites members have to fill in a profile when they join what the site owners keep as private...it includes putting your post code and name though...i dont know if that would help...or if it would put people off joining...

    hell...i dont even like how i sometimes wonder about posts on here....i dont think anyone does...its bloody horrible even thinking is he / she genuine..especially when for genuine people this site can be so so good..

    the answer must be with the people who run this site....

    anyway...sod it...

    have as good a day as possible everyone..

    dam weather its raining here again...

    ..

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    I have encountered two such bogus people, one a young girl who had little time to live and garnered a lot of support from vulnerable people.  At first I thought her situation was so awful she deserved every bit of support and more.....but after a few days I got suspicious and then felt terrible for even doubting someone on here.  Turns out my 'womans intuition' was sadly right!  Second was a young woman who had a boyfriend with a brain tumour, I sat and talked her through the evening of his operation and kept track of his recovery.  I was alerted pretty quick that 'all was not as it seemed' with this person having first hand experience of a brain tumour.  She went on to have an online relationship with another member here, a lovely valued member who she almost destroyed totally.  Some people are not ready to hear some things and again I kept quiet but did share my worries with a few trusted mates on here.

    What worries me is what happens when these folk are 'outed' for want of a better word.  The mob mentality kicks in and the posts become vicious and scare me to be honest....kinda like watching a pack of hounds get a fox.  Then there are the in-battles between members, those sticking up for the 'accused' and those accusing.

    This sort of thing usually happens on a weekend when admin are not around and much damage is done before they finally step in.  We are a giving community and trusting, we need to become "media smart" like our children are taught to be these days.  I don't want to wonder about every new person and even if they are 'fakes' they obviously have some kind of problem to bring them here anyway!

    I agree with everyone really, support until we think otherwise (I don't listen to others, just to my own heart) and then just stop reading the posts and try not to get drawn into what descends into a vile and bitter battle before the admin step in and remove them.

    So lets move on, support the ones that need it and it will be returned when we need it hopefully.

    Love & Strength

    Debs xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hello everyone, and thanks Graeme and Debs for your comments...I was telling my Mum today..and she was as appalled as I am that people do such things. But as you say Graeme, I guess people must do all sorts of things on the internet, for all sorts of reasons..! I'm just very naive at times...just when you think the world can be a nice place, something happens to shatter that illusion.! Anyway..maybe it is something Admin can look at...if you're on other forums and they have an in house policing system..then can't see why it can't happen here.

    Anyway...to all the genuine people...love and special thoughts..and keep being lovely as you are being. Don't let the monsters get the better..!

    Janey x x

  • I belong to another cancer support site and the admin staff on there regularly comment on forums, offering advice and directing users to useful information. They demand new users post three times before they become full members.They are so 'hands on' and are obviously monitoring the traffic continuously. I have yet to meet any sort of fraud or creep on that site.

    KateG