Bogus People on the Site

1 minute read time.

OK Guys -  Finding this a bit difficult to put my thoughts into a coherent form while not offending anyone, some of whom are closer friends than I have ever had before.

We regularly get new people appearing on the site and looking to us for help and support - the thing that all of us probably think makes the Site worthwhile and  the  members are fantasic at doing because of their own varied experiences as Patients, Carers and Relatives.

Just occasionally we have a problem - out and out nutters that come on just to cause disruption - OK - not nice but is a fact of life for any site.

The worst offenders though are the people who come on here masquarading as Patients, Carers or relatives and appear to be genuine and looking for the usual support. Not sure what the kick is they get in talking to us or see us reaching out to them with the help and support they are asking for.

In some cases our own experiences uncover their lack of knowledge, experience or treatment details they claim to have had.

In other cases we do not have any 'proof' but we build up an idea that someone is 'Not Real'  in these cases we may build up a prejudice that has no foundation and a whispering campagne starts . If we really do reach this conclusion then I believe the best course of action is just to ignore them and not to engage them in conversation.

What I do think is wrong is to send  Messages that may be upsetting when - if they are Genuine, they are at the most vunerable stage of their lives - or sadly - due to the nature of this site - their deaths.

I would rather offer help and support to 99 people who may later turn out to be false than risk turning away 1 genuine person - unless I was100%  certain of my proof

Sorry I do not have any earth shattering ideas on how we can avoid the problem of the disturbed people that come on the site.

This is not meant to sound like I am lecturing anyone - but also feel I cannot just sit back and say nothing

love and hugs to all

John

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Well said John...

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Just wanted to ask you a question, hope it ok on your blog... If a man is walking through a forest on his own, and talking to himself...is he still wrong???

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Sorry I do not know the answer to that its a bit deep for me - you may need to ask God - she may know

    I know my place in the grand scheme of things !!

    john xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi John,

    I have been saying this for months now,but like you I dont have an answer.All we can do is be vigilant.

    Sorry Chrisie. Havent a clue what your talking about.

    Take care and be safe Sarsfield.xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi John and Chrisie

    I do so agree with you John, however, there is another aspect to this debate.

    I must say though that in the past when "bogus cancer people'"  have been part of the forum so much effort has gone into supporting them, both in time but more valuably emotional effort.  

    I recall one such person, she had a seemingly real story and was a very likable young person so she had other memebrs naturally graviate towards her offering support, love, time, friendship and also sponsorship for the Race for life.  

    She claimed to be a teenager with a young person's  cancer, with many hospitalisations treatment etc, also the diagnosis or incrurable ca.  She had during her many stays in hospital met up with many other patients. These heart rendering stories were posted onto here along with the poetry she supposedly composed as therapy for her and her grieving family.    All of these aspects actually endeared her to the other members of the forum including patients.  

    One one occasion she posted that she had been in hospital for yet another short stay and whilst there, she was the only support a small child had when the little one passed away,  This 'traumatic event' resulted in members spending a not inconsiderable amount of time supporting this person both on here and via home contact methods.

    It transpired that a newish member had read some of her poetry and had wanted to read more so she googled the name, no joy, then googled the first line of various poems.  It transpired that the whole elaborate story was all one whopping big lie! None of the story had any basis of fact as far as she was concerned.

    The upshot was she very nearly single-handedly destroyed Mac and the confidence that many had for and in their fellow members at that time.

    So whilst I agree with you that it can be better to spend time supporting 100 people even if only 1 of them needs the care we can give, in reality the emotional and intellectual drain that frauds cause cannot be ignored.  Also after a while people do get frustrated at being made to look foolish by helping 'supposed cancer patients' and make the saddest of decissions - ignore all new comers just in case this one is yet another fraud!

    Altruism is a grand idea and very admirable but only if one is fully armoured against the hurt of disillusionment!

    Oh and there is nothing wrong with a man talking to himself whilst walking through a forest alone - it only becomes an issue if he loses the argument when he replies to himself!

    J xxx