Well Guys another year has gone - but where - I joined this site at the end of May - a moment ago.
Bit low had cancer - but got used to the idea and maybe resigned to my fate - a death sentence huh - and not even murdered the MIL - bit tough, maybe i still have time - but lost the motivation - lol. Thought might as well see what the other depressed buggerson here could possibly find to talk about or share.
What I found was the most caring beautiful group of people you could ever wish or dream to meet. Some were new - like me - had cancer and scared and may lost and given up hope ?
Some were more experienced - and actually told you Cancer is not an Immediate Certain Killer - that was news to me and something I never knew - OK mine was inoperable - but slow developing one - but thought all cancers were death sentences.
The next stage was I met some carers - despite them not having Cancer they council, hug and offer love and hope to others, some are looking for support and information. They feel so alone - the patient, especially the guys, do not share info - they are Guys and Guys have no emotions - we are tough aren't we ? We are the hubbies and Fathers - maybe in some cases the sons. Only wimps hurt or shed tears - so we bottle it up - we are scared but too proud to tell anyone - not even the docs.
What we miss out on is involving our loved ones - we see the consultan on our own - and maybe understand 10% of what we are told - Cancer huh - what was that about staging - what the hell is a Gleason - maybe should of asked some questions - but why bother - we have cancer so we are dying ? - maybe this means we do not have the information to share - not that we do need or want to share anyway.Maybe our biggest worry is we are the Man - we Provide, we Protect - we Shield our Loved ones and Dependants - it is our role in life - we do not Hurt - We are sad and disillusioned maybe. Still in the genes - Neanderthal maybe ?
Then met the very very Special Group - The ex-carers - hell - they understood even more - They had loved and lost - but unlike us new guys they had not given up. They walked every step - suffered every pain and pang - they hurt even more than we did - but they loved and supported. We left them to cope alone - relax - they did - they hurt but they were so strong they survived - OK maybe some tears and pain and the lost numb dead feeling - but they knew they had to cope - so they did. They stayed to support others in the same position as their loved ones and shared love, care and information. Never want to hurt anyone but some start again - they never forget the partner, the father, mother of Child - but they are strong and in time they find Love and comfort again.
We the patients would never be hurt by that - it pays some of our debt and proud they are so strong and able to go on - very few of us married expecting our wives to become Nuns or husband to become celebrate. If we had a voice in this we would rejoice they had found happiness again.
Last and maybe the most special group - the friends we made who got the all clear - how fantastic is that - all our dreams - but only allowed to a special few - but so good they share and give us all hope.
So Thank You all my friends - new and old, those I have yet to meet - you have taught me to have faith and to fight for every second of life - not looking for a cure in my case - but every second is precious and will fight for my last breath now through the example I have had.
I have found a special love that I never really understood, the love for each of us we hold in our hearts but so few find in this financially driven world. Thank You
May 2011 Bring Comfort,Peace, love and health to Everyone of the Mac Family - You should be proud of who you are and what you give to all your mates.
J xx
