This Sunday’s Mother’s Day, a day to celebrate mothers mean to us; all they do for us, and all they mean to us. To recognise this year’s Mother’s Day, I’ve been talking to several mothers on the Community about how having cancer has affected them as a mother.
I’m not going to take any further time introducing or the piece – so without further ado, here are our mothers of the Community…
'The thought of them got me off the floor, got me talking, smiling and laughing again.'
Cara19
My first thoughts being diagnosed with bowel cancer were of my babies. I just couldn’t bear the thought that I might not be there for them. But after the inevitable tears, the thought of them got me off the floor, got me talking, smiling and laughing again. I’m one of the lucky ones and so blessed to have my little ones. Their beautiful faces, wonderful smiles, warm hugs and kisses made me determined to see the positives and made me realise I have been truly blessed to be their mummy.
'Having kids on this cancer journey has big advantages - they keep you in the present and get you out of bed'
JaneyEli
It was both a relief and very hard to tell my children that I had ovarian cancer. We waited until after my operation and pathology results as we wanted to be as accurate and truthful (and open) with them as we could. The great - and difficult thing - about kids is that they ask questions – “is it life threatening mummy” was my 10-year-old son’s first question. “Yes” I replied, “which is why I am having all the treatment”. “What colour is the cancer?” asked my 7-year-old daughter. I hadn’t prepared for that one. It is early days for me, but I can see that having kids on this cancer journey has big advantages - they keep you in the present and get you out of bed - and some downsides - when I think I might not see them grow into adults I get very upset. But we are facing this as a family and a community - I am getting a lot of support from other parents locally. And with humour too - my son says he is looking forward to laughing at me when “you look like a sausage” when I lose my hair. The more kids who know about cancer the better - it will help them know more as they grow up and demystify a range of conditions that have been kept secret for too long.
'...She remained strong in front of me, never showed me her tears.'
Spikster
I was diagnosed with cervical cancer June 2018 aged 29, I had gone for a routine smear and it was picked up early enough for the treatment to remain focusing on curative. None the less, my world was turned upside down. Funeral plans, how the family would cope without me all went through my mind. Worst part of all was telling my 12-year-old daughter, she remained strong in front of me, never showed me her tears but she was concerned and spoke to family. CLAN offered support services to counsel my daughter on my diagnosis and to help her understand that cancer didn’t mean death, and this really helped. My daughter became quite concerned about my well-being and assisted where she could to make things easier for me given the treatment caused a lot of fatigue, even with a simple cup of tea.
'My fears are mainly that I won’t be able to comfort them, and that hurts so much.'
Still smiling
Now I know this is very bad, but I still feel strangely calm. I think this is purely down to the fact I have children. My twin girls are 10, and my son is 12, and I’m so very proud of them, how they coped the first-time round (at 6 and 8), and how they helped me. I think children’s innocence is a saving grave, they just accept things as they are.
I’ve always been as honest as I can with them, and I think that’s so important. They know when things aren’t right, and I don’t want them to be afraid of the unknown. It’s still difficult to get the balance right, but you just have to go with what you feel is acceptable for your children.
My fears are mainly that I won’t be able to comfort them, and that hurts so much. I feel guilty that’ll I’ll be ‘abandoning’ my children. I just want them to know how loved they are, and were by me. I’ve started writing diaries to them, just so they know, and I’ve bought lockets for the girls, and a photo Keyring for my son. It’s all about memories. I want them to remember happy times and a smiling mummy. Because they’ve made me so happy and proud, and I want them to know that.
They’re the ones that keep me going, and I’ll fight to be with them for as long as I can. There’s just nothing like a mother’s love.
'We all have to find our own way - and I am still trying to find mine.'
AnnJac
I do protect them from the fact that I often feel rubbish and am currently struggling with low spirits. I suspect lots of us protect our families and put on a brave face for them…We all have to find our own way - and I am still trying to find mine. Every step of the way throws up a new challenge…many on here have so many other things to deal with from losing partners, financial difficulties, relationship difficulties. I try and keep active. I try not to dwell. I am hoping that once active treatment is finished I will be able to park the cancer in a corner and move away…I know that won't be easy. But I will do my best.
Affected by cancer and a mother, go ahead and share your thoughts or story with us in the below comments.
You can also find information about talking to children and teenagers about cancer on the Information and support section of our website, here.
