Dimple shares her cancer diagnosis story and how telling her children about her cancer was the hardest thing she has ever done. Cancer and treatment can have an emotional and financial impact on your life and Dimple tells us about some of the challenges she faced when living with cancer.
On the 29th of December 2015, I was diagnosed with Cancer or Cookies as I called it because the word still scared me so much. The term the doctor used when they told me I had Cancer was primary cancer unknown - in other words the cancer had spread, and they didn’t know where it had started. The doctor that told me didn’t even ask if I had someone with me or how I would be getting home. It felt like I was just on his list for that day and he delivered his news and carried on with his day.
I managed to hear that they would be doing several tests to see where the cookies started and that it had spread but I didn’t hear much more than that.
I still cannot explain how hearing those words actually felt. You say that if you heard those words you would feel like this or that, but in reality, nothing prepares you for the range of emotions that you feel and the thoughts that you have when you hear those words “I’m sorry but you have cancer”.
I left that hospital in a daze, I don’t know how I got outside, home even but I made it. I don’t even know how I functioned for the next few days. All I kept thinking was I had to keep things normal for my children. I had one at university and two teenagers, how would they cope without me?
After weeks of tests, sleepless nights, endless tears, nightmares, and keeping up appearances they found out where the cookies had spread from. I was sat in a room signing page after page of documents that basically said that I was at risk of all of the horrible things you don’t want to think about and that if that happened it wasn’t the hospital's fault. With the support of my Mum and my best friend, I signed every page.
I wanted to live, I would have done anything to have some more time on this earth with my children and the people I love.
Telling my kids was the hardest thing I have EVER done in my life. I could see their brains ticking over while they tried to process what I had just told them. I tried to stay strong and promised them that I would be ok and wasn’t going anywhere when I wasn’t sure myself, it nearly broke me.
Going through chemotherapy and radiotherapy was so bad, I kept thinking, how can something that is supposed to make me better, make me feel so bad. The nausea, sickness, headaches, and lack of energy were some of the symptoms that I endured. The worst thing was the fear, nightmares, and feeling out of control. I took chemo tablets daily at home and had radiotherapy every day, I forced myself to take the tablets and cried every time I had to leave for radiotherapy. There were days when I just wanted to give up completely.
On top of all of this, being a single parent, I still had to look after my children, be a mother, and worry about being able to return to work, paying the bills, and keeping a roof over our heads. I received some help and support with this from Macmillan.
They also paid for a short break to Brighton for me and my two young boys on a rare weekend that I didn’t have radiotherapy.. It has taken me over 5 years to come to terms with what I went through, and in some ways, I think I will always be dealing with it. As much as I have learned to live with how cancer has touched my life, it will never be the same again. I still burst into tears when I see something on TV that reminds me of my journey or I have a flashback to how I felt when I was told I had Cancer, or when I told my children.
I never thought that there would be a light at the end of a very dark tunnel, or that I would be able to speak openly about my Cancer journey, but I am trying to use what I went through to help and inspire others. I try to enjoy life as much as possible, I have recently just turned 50 and feel so blessed, I enjoy traveling and living life to the full.
We’d like to thank Dimple for taking the time to share her story with us. Hopefully, after reading this blog you will have connected with parts of Dimple’s personal experience. The Online Community is here to support everyone affected by cancer so if you need to chat with people who can understand how you are feeling, join and post in our Cancer forums today.
If you would like to be our next guest blogger, please email Community@macmillan.org.uk
