Cancer is a journey that none of us would choose and that many people will experience either directly themselves or through family, friends or colleagues. My endometrial carcinoma sarcoma journey began in 2022. I had major surgery, and this was followed by chemotherapy and external beam radiotherapy.
For me there was life before cancer, life with cancer, and now there is life after cancer. This blog looks at my wellbeing, physical changes, emotional moments, social challenges and my journey to find my new normal.
“After cancer, I think it’s not so much about getting back to normal, it’s about finding out what is the new normal for you now.”
Read Jane’s previous blogs:
I have found that since cancer I have more appreciation for the little things in life. The ordinary, everyday things become important. Sitting in the garden in the early morning, listening to the birds. Noticing the changing of the seasons and the daffodils that are just starting to emerge from the ground. Going for a wander in the fresh air and feeling the fresh drops of rain on your face. Curling up on the sofa with a warm blanket and a cat on your knee, watching a movie or listening to music. A cuppa and a chat with a friend. A warm hug. It’s the little things that I feel most grateful for.
I see time differently now. I think you become aware of how quickly things can change and to stop taking life for granted. You begin to realise what really matters in life. I value my time more and am protective of it. I value my peace. I am not going worry about things that do not really matter. I do not want to waste time.
There is always going to be that feeling of uncertainty about what lays ahead. After cancer, I think it’s not so much about getting back to normal, it’s about finding out what is the new normal for you now. With time, as with everything, it does get better. For anyone who is currently struggling, I have recently completed the HOPE course online though Macmillan and found it really helpful in processing the journey.
I feel it is a misconception that once treatment has ended, everything is ok as cancer can have long term side effects. I found it hard to come to terms with the treatment that has kept you alive but has left you with side effects that can be debilitating at times. Sometimes experiencing feelings of guilt that you should feel grateful to still be here and should just accept them, however, the side effect having a marked effect on daily life. It can be hard not to become resentful.
Side effects can be inconvenient, embarrassing and painful. For me it is the late effects of pelvic radiotherapy and also the peripheral neuropathy caused by the chemotherapy that have had the most effect. I do also personally believe that people who have had a diagnosis of cancer and who have faced aggressive treatments can be left with some form of post-traumatic stress.
“Cancer has made me more aware of my body and the subtle sensations from it. There is always a fear of recurrence, and any little ache or pain can lead to anxiety.”
I have also found that in a way you appreciate your body more. It has been through a huge amount of treatment, yet it has begun to recover and shows signs of healing. This however takes time. For me the hair loss was very difficult to cope with and it took a good year to start feeling like me again. I still don’t like to look at the tattoo dots I had done for the radiotherapy, as although small, they are a permanent reminder of what I went through.
“Cancer can be tough and for a time it can feel overwhelming. It is normal to fall apart however sometimes I think I found that you can discover a new inner strength. You have to prioritise yourself for a while and focus on getting the treatment done.”
I had a busy life with family, friends and work but for the first time I had to focus on me and that was hard. I also think living with cancer changes your focus. I had to let go of things that don’t matter and stop caring so much about what other people think. It’s your life and it is your cancer journey. You must decide how you are going to deal with it.
Decisions about what treatment to have can be very hard. After my surgery I felt quite well and I knew that the treatment I needed would affect my body further, make me very unwell and have no guarantees of success. At times I looked really ill, and it was hard as the vulnerabilities on the inside were visible on the outside. I am aware it was also hard for those around me to see me this way.
I made the decision early on to share my experiences in the hope that it would help others, and I want to continue to do this. I know my experiences have helped others from the feedback I have had.
“My experience helped me develop a deeper sense of empathy. I channelled this into supporting others going through similar experiences on the Online Community.”
There is a feeling of compassion where you do not want others to feel alone. You can be someone with many people around you that mean well but it is those who have experienced a similar path, who really have the understanding.
My relationships are important but were naturally affected. Sometimes people that you did not know so well can be the ones who truly showed you support and helped you feel listened to. These people are really important as they can let you share the darkest times without judgement. Some people that are around you can find the whole thing challenging and difficult to cope with and may step back for a while.
We would like to thank Jane for taking the time to share her story with us. If you would like to feature as our next guest blogger, please email Community@macmillan.org.uk or send a private message to the Moderator account.
