A cancer diagnosis can impact the whole family. As a father, Mandeep shares his experience of his son Jai’s cancer diagnosis in the hope of helping more families who are going through the same experience.
Mandeep: I just remember looking at his face and I just saw him as a child. You could tell he was scared. It was as a parent, soul destroying.
There’s never a nice day anyway to be told that you have cancer but, on your birthday, that is probably a birthday that we will never forget for the wrong reasons. If you look back at the photos from his 17th birthday you can see it’s not Jai. He’s not his smiley self.
He is a 17 year old lad, cutting his cake and at the same time, he’s got a real rough road ahead of him. They were saying that he will definitely loose his hair. I said to him, let me shave your head and I made him look like the guy from the prodigy, no hair down the middle then spikes out the side.
Jai: I think he engraved my name on my head at somepoint as well. Remember, you put J R together.
Mandeep: oh yeah I put his initial on the back of his head first. I thought I might as well mess around with his head while I can, so I really did.
Our relationship was always really good anyway, father and son, very close, similar interests, cars, gym.
Jai: I see him in two different ways like as a mate and then like a dad as well at the same time.
Mandeep: sometimes you wouldn’t say we are father and son, we are more friends, best friends.
Jai: how did you feel when I was diagnosed?
Mandeep: Erm, heartbroken, I’ll be honest with you. I was scared, obviously like you I feared the worst but then I was also optimistic. I was thinking, there’s you done you your GCSE’s, got all your life ahead of you and then you have been hit with this.
When they call you into the room and then they pull the curtain and pull a chair up, you know it’s not good news. They said it is a tumour and it is cancerous. We need to get it out as quick as possible.
When he was going through the treatment, to see him just come back from treatment, go to bed, don’t want to eat don’t want to drink just fall asleep. As a parent it’s difficult, everybody tries to protect their children.
Jai is quite erm, an insular person, the fact that he opened up to me and spoke to me about it that was key for us. They diagnosed him early doors, they gave him treatment and touch wood, so far so good.
The Macmillan Nurses were absolutely fantastic, the support they offered to him from a mental wellbeing perspective was paramount.
Even post treatment they used to reach out to him by calling him, just having abit of a chat with him, and that’s all I wanted him to sort of do really, was to open up a lot more.
Jai: my dad is chilled, he is basically a doctor, gets you to have your medication on time all that kind of stuff. I don’t really know how to say thank you so I bought him a watch.
Mandeep: when he gave me the watch that is one thing but I think it was the note… that’s Jai’s way of saying thank you. I don’t need to be thanked I’m his father.
If you could take a positive out of a negative situation it’s always a good trait. Has it made him a stronger person? I think 100%. He’s more resilient and he is going on his first lads holiday abroad. I think he is in a much better space mentally.
I would encourage any person, any man especially, open up and talk to somebody. There are so many support functions out there. Macmillan have a helpline, use them.
If you are ready to open up, we are here day and night. Join our Online Community forums which you can access 24/7. Starting a discussion and posting about how your situation can be helpful.
For specialist support, you can also post in the Ask an Expert section here on the Online Community, or contact the Macmillan Support Line on 0808 808 00 00 from 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week. There’s also an option to send an email or using live webchat during the opening hours.
