Hello,I'm not entirely sure what I'm hoping to get out of this blog but I'm kinda hoping it will help me control and at the same time express MY own feelings whilst supporting a close friend through his journey battling Testicular Cancer.I found out roughly 3 weeks ago that he had been diagnosed with Testicular Cancer and had not seen him in all that time, however kept in contact regulary.Today is the first day I have seen him since his diagnosis and boy was it tense. He seemed to be in a world of his own like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders and I felt completely useless that I couldnt help him and make him better. I have never had the feeling of complete uselessness before and I felt powerless to help him.I wanted to keep things normal but what exactly is normal? What do I say to him? Do I say sorry this has happened or do I question what he has to face next and run the risk of upsetting him?Well we had a cuppa and sat in silence whilst the T.V blared out in the background. I dont think either of us was actually watching it really, but it softened the awkwardness at least.I could see he was getting tired and before I left so he could get some rest I leant over and went to give him a kiss on the lips, which was the usual thing for us two but instead he gently turned his head and i planted a kiss on his cheek. Maybe he felt weird about our closeness now. I guess this one I'm gonna have to play it by ear!
FormerMember
I should imagine that he is in utter shock. Not only has he got to deal with cancer, he has got to deal with it in a really devastating site. As well as the embarrassment he has got all the worry of prognosis and treatment. How do you help him get through it all? Well you might not be able to. He might not let you, or anyone else in. I think all you can do is go very carefully and hope he will let you help him. I am very independently minded but I soon realised that I could not fight on my own, even finishing up in a wheelchair for a time when I was determined that I would never use one. Perhaps you could get some advice from one of the Macillan team. Chemotherapy is unpredictable but the effects are cumulative but he might realise as his treatment progresses that he will need some help. I am sorry I cannot be more positive or helpful. Perhaps you could put your thoughts in writing for him to read.
3 weeks .... it will stil be like yesterday to him, he`ll probably be scared, what, when, where,, how,etc, everyone copes differently, getting him to join this site would be great for him, because we all know what it is like, one of the hardest thing is talking about it... i try to talk a lot about cancer because i think the more it is talked about the better for those who get it, so many people treat you like you have leprosy, like they dont know what to say ... or they might catch it.....
he`s still your friend, hes still the same person, the best gift you can give him is (in my opinion)... offer him support, but also offer him normality, try to be yourself around him and don`t tippy toe like hes made of glass.
everything drew said is right too... we are all different... only you know your friend, and me are so much harder to talk to, as they keep things pretty much close but ....jut make a point of being normal, if you normally see him every day or every week the please dont stay away... that is the most hurtfull of all.... i had a friend do that ... and although she s better now... i still cant fully forgive her...
hiya hun - i saw your post the other day - but waited to reply - so i hopefully had some good news to tell you .......and i have !!!!
my son was diagnosed with TC feb 09 - he started chemo within 1 week - he was very ill -had secondries in his abdomin - end aug he had op to remove tumour from abdomin - since op he has had 3 scans ...... hes just had results 17th - thats what i was waiting for ...... well good news is they dont want to see him for 4 months ....yipeeeeee
so hope this positive news will help you and your friends worries a wee bit
i would advise you both to read lance armstrongs books - he is an inspiration to all TC lads
I found out just has a thought, my friend had been rushed to Weston Park to begin his Chemo and by the sounds of things he is as sick as a dog with it. Hope to see him soon but I'm not sure how long he will have to stay there what with it been his first chemo session.
Does anyone else know what happens first session??
