2nd March
I've just been for a colonoscopy at Thornbury Hospital in Sheffield. All gowned up and baring my virgin arse to another man called Dr Stephen Brown. I've always called myself an Hairy Arsed Climber even though my buttocks are silky smooth however viewing the monitor as the scope got nearer to the entrance it was true I did have a hairy arse.Once inside the Dr guided the scope up through the lower parts, inflating my colon as he went. The compressor sounding much like the tyre inflater down at Sainsbury's. According to the nurse I had a "Lovely clean bowel". (Well my wife would be proud) The comment brought tears to my eyes as I remembered almost wretching whilst taking the 2 litres of Moviprep preparation the evening before. 2 litres in means 2 litres out. En route through my colon the doctor pointed out a large polyp and a smaller one both of which he would remove on the way out along with something else nearer the entrance. It seems that my colon is something like Brands hatch with very tight corners which are harder than normal to get around. Meanwhile the compressor continued to pump to open the corners until the pain got excruciating. I've driven myself to hospital so there's no sedation for me. Arriving at my appendix the reversal commenced until he arrived at the large polyp. Inserting a loop down the scope he lassoed the stem, nipping it off like a cheese wire, then inserting a collapsible basket tried to collect the marble sized polyp. Several attempts and more painful inflating finally captured the polyp which was then brought out. With the scope reinserted about 20 cm the area noted earlier of concern was checked out noting that the lump had strange colouring and a large base. Biopsy were taken with a Small nipper. The procedure was over.
Back in my cubical the doctor came for a chat noting that he was very concerned about the area he had taken samples of and that I was going to need an operation to sort it. Blood samples were taken followed by a futile attempt by the doctor to get me in for a scan that day. My consultation for results is on Wednesday evening in a consultation room that he was opening just for me provided I get fixed up with a scan on Monday. We was supposed to be going on holiday to Scotland on Wednesday morning.
The drive home was very uncomfortable, and upon walking through the door and seeing Sue I became a little weepy however the pain from the inflation took over and I writhed in agony, my abdomen full of air for well over 2 hours. Every turn sent the gas to another part of my colon where the process started all over again. What I needed was a dam good fart. By 6 that evening I could just about walk pain free.
Sue seems to be very concerned having sleepless nights and constant need to be next to me. We will just have to wait and see but for now it's back to work as normal and we will travel to Scotland early Thursday morning what ever the news.
