11th May
It's a week since my drugs began infusing and I'm now in the middle of the first of 12 fortnightly cycles.
Visibly my hair has gone grey quickly over the past few months, which is understandable and I can forgive my body for letting this side of my good looks down. As I said to Jayne, that lovely Parish Oven barmaid, "It takes a lot longer now to transform into the Mad Shagger than ever before" If at all. Excuse the terminology.
Yes I have still managed to get to the quiz night if only for the social side and some escape however my taste even for Tetley's Smooth has vanished and has been exchanged for a medicinal half of Guinness, the theory being that the additional iron will aid my red blood cell count.
As a result of the drug infusion my arm has only just stopped hurting and I now know that the indigestion / sick feeling first felt in hospital is part of the symptoms of the cytotoxins since it has never gone away. Even thought I have felt sick most of the time I have not yet vomited. On Wednesday I slept for about 13 hours, something that I have never done in my adult life so I'm obviously more tired and my gums are getting sore. I also have a dull headache and some joint pain. The latter 2 may have nothing to do with the treatment at all but but you just don't know what to expect. It is easy to get paranoid so every little feeling gets amplified until you get convinced its part of the chemo effect. I have tablets to prevent sickness which I have only taken a couple, my logic being that if I can manage without them, the less drugs I poison my body with the better off I will be in the long run.
So in a nut shell my reaction to the treatment so far has been
Mentally my Downers are few and far between but when I have them I find myself momentarily gazing into space. A rush of a thousand thoughts condensed into seconds, drifting out of my state of denial. reminding myself that there is actually something wrong with me. Naturally during these nano seconds I'm asking questions of myself like, will I make 60? Will I make retirement? When the time comes will it be painful?. I also curse Bob because he's a carbuncle on this reasonably fit middle aged body of mine, transforming me into a leper. But then it's " 3,2,1 YOUR BACK IN THE ROOM" followed by the perfect forward plan - 6 Months Chemo, 2 months rest, get rid of Bob, then after Christmas Back to Normal, frequent scans and in 5 years ALL CLEAR
Hopefully all of my bad luck has been used up but somehow I know there is some tough times to endure.
WHAT NEXT? - Well it's a blood test and the PICC Line insertion on Wednesday for which I will be in hospital for most of the day followed by Chemo session No2 on Friday. In between I'm hoping to get as much exercise as possible which my research suggests will aid coping with side effects. I would love to try a short run down the lane at the back but Sue would go spare if she found out. I'll try it when she's out for a couple of hours.
