I've no idea if anyone will read this and to be honest it doesn't really matter - I just need to get some of what is going through my head 'down on paper' well on the laptop!
On Sunday it will be 12 years since we lost mum to breast cancer. This year it's all the more poignant because my stepmum (dad remarried a couple of years after we lost mum) has just been given the news we've been dreading that she was to 'put her affairs in order'. The breast cancer she herself has been fighting on and off over the last 7/8 years is winning and is spreading.
In fact as I type she is in hospital while the medical staff work out pain relief/anti sickness drugs so she can come home again. On top of all this my dad 's health is not good and a condition that was diagnosed after mum died has re-surfaced in the last few months (coincidence?!) and is making life difficult for him never mind the stress and worry he's going through about his wife.
At the moment I feel like this all someone's idea of a sick joke. Never mind a double whammy more like a triple/quadruple whammy!! You may be able to work out that right now I go between sadness and tears to anger and wanting to rage. Normal I know. That's the problem - we've been here before.
I have a five year old who never met my mum but knows all about her. He loves his Granny and we've had a conversation about what's happening. But it's an extra sadness for me that at his young age he is going to lose another grandparent.
That's probably enough for a first blog. If you happen to have read this far, thanks for listening. Have a good day.
