Looking for the positives.

Well I haven't blogged for a while but I have been reading all the other blogs with interest. Many times they make me cry and also laugh. I was discussing the calendar with someone at work today and it struck me that there are positives amongst all this pain. When Mum was diagnosed in April it felt like my world fell apart. Of course, there are still days like this especially when Mum is down and very obviously ill. However, without this illness what would life be like now? Well, I would be at home with my husband and children, maybe seeing Mum once a week. I would be at work and maybe looking forward to a 2 week break away somewhere hot and sunny. But the reality is I have moved in with Mum and left my family behind, there will be no holiday and even a few hours at work feels like I have abandoned Mum. Each day Mum and I laugh and talk and cry (good and bad tears) and I am spending precious time with her building some very fond memories. Mum recently took 13 of us to butlins for a family weekend which never would have happened without the illness. My children spend more time with their Nan now and thus will have stronger memories too. You see, we get caught up in our lives, we carry on busy busy busy without really stopping to count our blessings. So I am in a way grateful that we have had this opportunity to strengthen our bonds. My sisters friend recently lost her Mum. She passed away suddenly in her armchair due to a massive heart attack. She had not been ill at all. My Mum said "At least she passed away without all this pain" I thought "She didn;t have time to say goodbye". So, of course I am sad at the prospect of losing Mum at such a young age but I am also grateful we can have this special time to appreciate each other. From reading other peoples blogs I get the feeling many of us feel the same. You suddenly realise how precious life is and there is no point putting things off. Mum is now using her fine china every day instead of once a year at Christmas, she is far more conscious of "wasting time" on the days she feels well. So, I am going to try to keep this feeling with me through the pain and hope it lasts for longer than we expect. Let the good times roll! Best wishes to all Claire xx