Last year I met up with another woman nearby who also has secondary breast cancer. This was really nice for me as she was nearer to my age, we both have children and found lots of common ground. We met a few times for coffee and a chat and at last I felt I had someone to confide in who really understood me. Well in January she got some bad news on a scan and told me she was going on chemo again but wouldnt tell me about her scan. I sent her some flowers to cheer her up and let her know I am here for her. Everytime I try to arrange to meet she wont and I feel she has really backed away from me. One of my clients at work also has SBC and they have been in contact and have arranged to go for lunch?? A similar thing happened early last year when a woman I met on a younger womens forum stopped contacting me when her diagnosis worsened and whenever I instigated contact I got no reply but I know she was in contact with others. It feels like slowly and surely the little bit of support I have managed to scrape together has faded away and I have no one to talk to. I dont really have any friends, no one ever calls or visits. After Christmas I made a conscious effort to try and make more time for my friends and got in touch with loads of people about going out for dinner or drinks but its all ignored. Or they say they will and when I chase it up nothing happens so I have just given up trying. I feel really lonely. I have no BC friends to talk to about the illness and no 'normal' friends to talk about everyday stuff!!
A couple of months ago I got an email about a secondary breast cancer workshop for younger women which I thought would be perfect for me to gain support and meet other women in my position. So I contacted Breast Cancer Care to secure my place. She asked me questions about my DX and family etc but then told me she wanted to get a nurse to contact me as there would be women further along than me and wanted to make sure I could deal with that?? I felt a bit deflated by this but waited for the nurse to call. A couple of days later the nurse called me and asked me loads of questions about how I came to be diagnosed from my primary to now. It seemed like she was questioning my secondary diagnosis as if I had misunderstood what I had been told in 2009 because none of my organs were affected. She asked me ''what do you believe you were told in 2009?'' and this really threw me and I felt like crying. I told her about the scans I had and the surgery to remove the tumor in my neck and that I have extensive lymph node involvement all over my body and that my oncologist said it wasnt curable. I knew I didnt get that bit wrong?? Who would? Anyway it felt to me that because I wasnt physically feeling ill I had no place on the course and that she was implying it wasnt true secondaries. Eventually she said she had come across a few women in my position and that I could go if I wanted to. Its next week but they havent sent me the information so I dont think I will be going afterall. It just made me feel like I dont fit in anywhere...I know I am not 'ill' or having chemo etc but my outcome is the same as anyone else and I need the same support. I am grateful things are going so well I really am and on the whole I can deal with all this stuff but the way things are going I wont have anyone to turn to when things get bad and why should things have to be bad before there is any support??
