Hey everyone...I havent blogged for a while but not much has been happening with me so I havent really got alot to write about. Treatment going well and I'm feeling well so thats great!! I am blogging about an issue which has been playing on my mind for a while. Its not directly to do with my cancer although its a factor, if I wasnt ill then it probably wouldnt be something we would be considering. But seeing as I am never going to get better I need to make sure things stay as they are.
When I was 16 I met an man who was 6 years older than me, tall, dark and handsome and all that. He was a bit of a bad boy but all my friends fancied him and guess what? I ended up with him...lucky me?? Well 8 years later and I was destroyed. He treated me worse than the shit on the bottom of his shoe and I put up with it. He didnt provide, he drank and did drugs, never helped with the kids and was violent and abusive more times than I can remember. Yet I was naive and had 2 children with him and was pregnant with a third. In December 2004 this 'man', if you can call him that, attacked my children and me whilst heavily pregnant. Luckily my children were unharmed but I wont say unaffected. I then had to go through the court proceedings which I was glad to do, he had crossed a line and my children meant more to me than he ever did. Anyway he lied about what happened that night and it was my word against his, he even told the court I brainwashed my 6 year old and made him say his dad had kicked him in the stomach. So as great as the police had been and were on my side he only did about 6 weeks in prison. I then had social services involved in my life which was difficult but they did help me immensely and there was never any doubt I would be protective of my children, they even got me moved to be nearer my family. I got injunctions against this 'man' which he broke at every opportunity only to be told in court he had human rights!!! What about mine?? When hes climbing up to my bedroom window in the early hours to terrify me and the children?? Well as time passed he left me alone and I began to rebuild my life and settle the children into a routine with little George now here too.
I met Dan when George was 6 months old in a pub. We got chatting and one of the first things I told him was that I had 3 kids..well he said 'so' and that was that. We have been together since. From day one he has wanted to get to know the children and been nothing short of respectful of them. I always told him I didnt want a dad for them yet its something he has just done naturally. He really warmed to George and used to play with the older two, he would ask me if he could buy them birthday presents and christmas presents. He would come to the park and never seemed to mind that they were a part of my life. After we had been together a while and talked about moving in he asked me if the children could call him dad..I said he had to ask them and from then on they have...hes dad to them. Cameron my eldest does remember his real dad but he never talks about him, he remembers what he did and that has had a huge impact on how he feels about him. Dan has worked everyday and provided for the children, he reads with them, baths them, tucks them in at night, takes them back to bed if they have a bad dream, hes there for them no matter what, no questions asked. We werent married when I was diagnosed although it was arranged...I was diagnosed 10 weeks before the big day. He could have left and said it was too much but he didnt. We changed the childrens surnames by deed poll after the wedding and I gave Dan parental responsibilty, all through a solicitor. During the first few months of chemo etc when I was scared about what would happen to me I asked him if he felt he would cope if I died, afterall what he has done already has been a massive change for him but to have to do it on his own might be too much. I told him he didnt have to say he would just to please me...and he said no I will be here for the kids because I want to be...they are my children and I'm their dad. So I know in my heart he loves them and will never abandon them. Then I was diagnosed with secondaries so now it changes things. I know I am going to die from the cancer and I worry that the parental responsibility isnt enough. I havent heard from the childrens real father but I do hear about him. I know he has been in and out of prison and possibly for violence towards a new girlfriend...I know he still drinks and takes drugs so I dont think the courts would ever favour him. That said I dont want there to be any doubt or for Dan to have to worry that he wont be allowed to care for the children like he wants to. I dont want to chance it when I'm not here to make my wishes known. So we are going to look into him adopting them. I know its a big thing and a lengthy process but it feels like the right thing to do for the children. They need to know that Dan wanted to be there for them forever, that he chose to love them and chose to be their dad. Sorry its been a long rambling blog but if anyone has any experiences of this or advice it would be great. I need to know my children will be with the right person when I die.
Chrissi xx
