I have just eaten TWO!!! chocolate cupcakes which I made earlier which is my first problem. Since my reconstruction was cancelled (for the 2nd time) about two months ago and then being re-diagnosed around the same time I have been indulging a little too much and put on a stone. Not happy :-(
That wasnt my blog by the way this is, I just got side tracked.....
I dont know how I feel right now, its been a funny week and mainly due to my husbands wierd mood. He is not his usual self and seems a million miles away and I dont know why? I have asked him whats up, if I have done something and I even asked him if hes having a affair!! Cant say I would blame him. I cant read him sometimes, he can be a real closed book when he wants to be and I wish he would show more emotion. He hasnt cried once since my secondary diagnosis, he hasnt talked to me about it so much so he doesnt seem bothered. When I was diagnosed 2 years ago secondaries was the one thing we both dreaded but he just seems to have shrugged his shoulders. He shows more compassion when his mum rings him to say someone in the village died who he probably walked past once when he was 4! I feel like he doesnt care, doesnt want to care, doesnt want to help or do anything to help me. He seems happy for me to carry the burden and thats really not fair. Hes not pro-active, not a 'doer'....hes a 'sit-back-and-watcher' and if I dont do it it dont get done. I think he will really struggle when I am gone,or go home to mummy one of the two. I'm beginning to wonder how I feel about him now and I hope its only temporary but is he or indeed can he be the man I need him to be?
