So we had a FAB weekend...didnt go to Mountfitchet in the end as Saturday was sooo much fun and we were all exhausted!! We did go bowling though and I lost miserably as always. I am going to use the ramp next time...I dont think I could cope with getting beaten by a four year old. Went to Addenbrookes yesterday for the PET scan...how boring!! left to sit there for an hour in a freezing cold bay with no magazines or anything. Couldnt believe the parking fee either £6 for 2 hrs!!!!
A couple of thoughts popped into my head yesterday as they do....
While I was at the scan there was someone in the bay next to me who was getting a bit aggro with the staff about having the radioactive jab. The person just seemed very difficult and unapproachable and the way they were speaking to the drs trying to help was awful. This person was clearly a cancer patient and didnt look very well really so I assumed their illness was quite advanced and treatment was pretty intense. On one hand I couldnt wait to get the scan done so I didnt have to listen to it anymore but on the other hand I felt very very sorry for them. It was apparent this person had become sick of all the poking and prodding and all the other crap that comes along with this disease for goodness knows how long and become quite bitter and angry because of it. It made me sit back and realise that might very well be me one day and I got quite scared about that. I dont want to become someone like that, someone totally different to who I am now. Dont get me wrong I can be pretty feisty and headstrong but I dont think I am angry or bitter or anything else like it. I worry I will become someone my husband doesnt know and he will be relieved to see the back of me or someone who people dread to be around....a burden I suppose?? I think lots of you will understand what I am getting at, like I said in my first blog my thoughts dont always read well on 'paper'.
The other thing that concerns me is something I never really worried about before although I probably should have is all this radiation and stuff they give you. I had 4 MUGA scans last year which they tell you not to have close contact(eg cuddling, sitting on lap/beside each other)with children under 5 or pregnant women for so many hours after the injection. They said the same for the PET yesterday and I have a MUGA tomorrow!! I also had radiotherapy which they didnt say anything about emitting radiation or avoiding children etc. I just panicked a bit because I actually thought about how much more than normal radiation I must have brought into the home over the past few years and although I do always avoid the close contact with the kids I just worried if I have put them at any risk. Its the guilt thing again isnt it?? I couldnt bare the thought of anything happening to them but its so scary as you dont really know what all this stuff does really do you?
Well there is my rant for today I feel 2 stone lighter now ( I wish!!!)
xxxx
