Out of the mouths of babes!

Hi Cherryl, good to see you back on here. Hope you are well.

My dad died 12 weeks ago and it still hasn't really sunk in with me yet.

My daughter is pregnant again after losing her wee girl last year and she is having fortnightly scans to check everything is ok and every time we go to the hospital her wee boy keeps looking for his grandad. He was asking me the other day why he keeps hiding from him, but he will keep looking and will find him because his grandad wouldn't go away and leave him cos he liked him and cuddled him lots. It breaks my heart, but I am glad also that he remembers him as he is only three.

Hope to see you back on here soon.

Love, Christine xx

Hi Cherryl, it is hard when we are left alone to carry on. I renovated our house too and did all the things we had planned and never got round to doing.

My last words to my husband 2 minutes before he died suddenly (The cancer blocked his heart muscle) was " I can't do this anymore" I meant that I couldn't cope alone. No-one but us and the medical team new my husband was dying. He thought that if no-one else knew then he could carry on as normal for as long as possible. He did this working right up until a week before he died.

I know in my heart that he knew what I meant by those words, but how I regret not being his wife instead of his nurse.

I couldn't bare to see him so ill, I switched into nurse mode as I am a trained nurse and I became all matter of fact.

We all have regrets about things we should have done. We cope as best we can and I am sure that your Peter as well as my Richard would have known that we did the best we could because we loved them and we are only human.

I hope things get better for you soon and for Jeni, time do's heal the pain but we will never forget that we had someone precious touch our lives.

Take care and God bless Julie x

Wise words from JuJuc Cheryl, very true.  We all said things, did things and didn't do things through those months and weeks when all we could actually do was cope and hold on, we also all have regrets and guilty feelings that we should have done better, more or differently to what we did.  We can't go back and we can't change anything and I know our dear husbands totally understand and know that we did our very best, yes we could have sat there all night and every night, yes there are things we could have said, but didn't for various reasons but cancer did this to us, it took away so much of our lives and even if we had done all of those things we now regret we still would feel guilty for something else.  I think what it boils down to is that heartbreaking fact that we couldn't cure them, we couldn't make the pain go away and we had to let them go at the final hurdle, for that is what we have to live with whilst they no longer can.  However this is part of grieving and the bereavment process, the pain will ease and you will be able to cope with all of these thoughts, memories and feelings because that love is still there and you also know in your heart that you did your very best and that Peter knew you did, he knew you were there and he had your love always.  Please pm me or phone me (if you still have my number) if you want to talk or even try and meet up, sometimes it can help just knowing that another person has felt what you are too and knows, not just wants to say the right thing and "can imagine" like so many of our lovely friends and family, we actually know what it is like, those split seconds when your brain lets you think that he's still there, those moments when you turn to tell him something about your day and those long, lonely times in the night when all you want is to hear his voice and feel his arms around you, we know.  Cheryl I'm sending you love and a great big hug, which will stay wrapped round you until you feel strong again, you will because you are still Peter's Cheryl the girl he loved and spent his whole life with and would do all over again given half the chance.   Take care xxxxxxxxx

Thank you so much for being there for me friends, as I will try to be for you all soon.  I really must get up and going (am running out of tissues and toilet paper hurts the old nose!)

I know all the nice things you have written, I say all this to others too.........but have hit the wall at the moment!  I know it will be slightly easier once I have got all my anger out of the way....anger with myself not Peter, I know he did his very best to stay and I know that the way things went he could no longer fight on.......he was the bravest person I know... until I read all the stories you all relate on here........our lost loves are 'unsung heroes'!

Carol, I will catch up with your blogs when I am in a better place, keep up your attitude I love it and I hope you will find your soul mate out there somewhere.  I've got a lovely hat for special occasions!

Angela, it doesn't matter how near or far you are from loved ones, just keeping in touch is all they want, we all know that.  Good to hear you are feeling OK.

Jeni, your children are so lucky to have someone like you supporting them like you do, you sound a great family who will help each other through the bad times and make them easier to cope with eventually.  I can understand why you are holding it all together, you have them to think of, my children have left home so I can wail and moan to the four walls whenever the need arises, without upsetting anyone else which, for me, is a good thing!  Well done you, Ju must be so proud of you all!

Julie and Stacey, I admire you both, to lose someone suddenly must be harder in my mind, you really hadn't had so much time to prepare yourselves.  I suppose there could well be a debate about this subject because is it better for THEM to go like that, suffering wise but worse for the family, I don't know.....?  

Sarsfield, as ever, you are there with kind words of wisdom, thank you for that...do you know a good decorator?

Christine, I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad, I have been on another planet since Peter left this one and have shamefully not kept up with everyone elses fights, or loss of them.  I am so grateful for having my grandkids close, they have been marvellous.  I wish your daughter all the best for the coming baby, great excitement!  Will try to keep up with the news as and when you post it.

Esme, thanks!  I still have your number and I might just use it sometime.  It would be nice to meet up.  How are you doing?  Bet the garden is keeping you really busy this year.  How is Steve's garden doing?

I have been busy, as I said, in the house but am trying to keep up with the weeds.  I too have got a Bamper corner now, with a bottle of beer and a glass, a couple of meerkats (he loved them) and a couple of his old tools hanging on the wall beside his old bench, the kids love it.  

Have to go now, some friends are picking my parents and myself up and taking us back to their house for lunch.  We used to live in the house they are in now.  I have found that I have lost a big part of my life but, all of a sudden, have found lots of people I used to know, from way back when, and am doing a lot of catch up with them.  Strange old world isn't it!  Am living life for Peter now, inbetween dips and troughs!!

Take care everyone, speak again soon....promise!

Cherryl xxx

Dear Cherryl,

So glad to hear from you, it is still early days and you are doing really well. There have been so many wise and wonderful words put in these responses that I feel I can't add to them only echo the thoughts behind them. Please don't regret any time spent on the site as you gave lots of comfort to people, including me. when we needed it. I hope that we can help you now.

Love from Jen XX