Hi Everyone, all too numerous to mention, but will get around to speaking to you soon. I cannot tell you how many times I have tried to come on here.
As with anyone who has lost someone so very dear to them, whether it be a child, partner, parent, sibbling or friend....time is essential in order for us to start getting a grip on life again. There is so much to sort out, whether it be bills, banks, employment, pensions, clothes.....the list is endless. My journey since Peter died in March is no different.
I would just like to share with you how I am coping in my own little way. Again, like most of us I have a good set of family, friends and neighbours who have helped in my grief. One particular friend, a photographer who took our wedding photos 41 years ago and our daughter's 20 years ago, phoned several times, after Peter's funeral, offering help and very gentle advice. He was concerned that because I was keeping busy with my kitchen project I was not going out. I said I was too busy. He pointed out that when I finished this project it would be winter and then another excuse for not socialising.
One day he said he was putting on a dinner with some friends and would very much like me to join them. He asked if I would make a desert. Anyway, after a lot of persuasion I went. I cannot tell you how many times that day I wanted to phone and make an excuse for not going but because they were reliant on my sweet I couldn't really let them down. I now know this was their plan to make me go. That evening I met a lot of very nice new friends and enjoyed the evening.
It was then suggested that because Peter and I had enjoyed live music maybe I would care to join them and visit their Jazz club as they were musicians. My daughters persuaded me also that this would be a good idea and so I went....... I have never looked back since. I find music so uplifting. I can now go down to the club on my own because I know so many people there and can always find someone to sit with. I know that Jazz is not for everyone but we also go to classical concerts, choirs etc.
Don't get me wrong, life is not a blast anymore, how can it be, having lost my soul mate but I just knew I shouldn't sit in the house feeling sorry for myself and if I keep saying 'no thank you' to people's invitations then I would not be asked again.
Since then, things have gone from the sublime to the ridiculous, not only have I got my bus pass this year but......wait for it....... my very own drum kit!! I am now having lessons and actually was on stage and played last week. My family do think I have lost the plot somewhat now but I am enjoying the whole new experience. I am sure Peter is laughing down at me and saying 'Go for it girl' cos it is something he always wanted to do himself.
Another bit of advice our old friend has given me is, always smile or speak to people when you are out, don't expect people to come to you. I took this on board and have had some amazing conversations with people on the bus, in the Cafe or in a shop. So, whenever I feel down I will always find someone who has been in a worse position than me. The number of times I have come home feeling really good with myself because I have made someone's day by making conversation with them and have left them laughing. It is the best drug on the market.
One thing that upset me more than anything in the beginning was the memory of Peter's last three months struggle with his bowel/liver/lung cancer. I couldn't get it out of my mind. Had I done the right thing, keeping him home, instead of a hospice? But since speaking to other people they feel the exact opposite so who knows what is right? I am learning to live with these memories a bit better now but still am caught unawares on occasions when hearing certain music or meeting someone who didn't know Peter has gone.
I keep reminding myself that I only have one life and I have to make the best I can of it, otherwise I have wasted my time. I am so grateful to our friend for his advice but also that I have the sense to listen to his guidance. I am interested to know how others are filling their days?
