All bloody day...it was shouting and in a really bad mood..........
and everyone was round as well...macmillan nurse...district nurse.....shopping delivery....mum and dad.......uncle Tom cobbly and all.............!!
My lads came and sat with me last night with a brew....for the first time in months I asked them to leave me sat alone for a bit.....i really didn't want to say stuff i didn't mean....cos it was all there in my head....nasty comments.......
half an hour later, I was feeling better......
I like taking photos....so i got my camera and took a load of pics of myself.....they're not nice pictures....I'm only just cracking 6 stone at the moment, I have no bum cheeks whatsoever....well. not much of owt really.......and I could do with a bit of fake tan or something....
Also noticed that my hair is literally greying before my very eyes....that's weird...i didn't think that actually happened for real...!
But that wasn't the point, I'm not bothered what i look like....just as long as I'm still here.....
So i took the pics...in the mirror..some dark...some light...none smiling.......different angles and sides...
then i cropped them...and sat and looked at them....it really summed up how I was feeling....basically, pissed off and distant....
But it did the trick...I could put them away in my computer.....where i do have some happy ones as well..!!
Give it a try...........it could be of help....if only to be able to file away for a bit.......and pretend.......
I'm ok today...had a lovely dream about shiny things......time to treat myself to some i think......
Jackie xx
