Is it only me who thinks funerals are horrible things and should be banned? I'm dreading it. Maybe its because I found mum so have seen her so don't feel the need for a funeral? But then I remember when my younger brother died (sudden heart attack), my mum had to be virtually carried out of the church, her grief was terrible. She shouldn't have had to go through a funeral. It just seemed cruel.
Have been trying to do normal things ... but can't really. Finding it difficult to settle. Sleep is impossible. Haven't even sorted out what to wear for funeral yet. Not that mum would've cared what I wear. Brother is going to wear exactly what he wore to our younger brothers funeral. He thinks it seems right. Maybe I'll do the same. I seem to have been good at organising the funeral/everyone else but can't organise myself very well.
Tried to do some gardening now the rain has stopped as it usually relaxes me but didn't work today so came in again.
Feel weird most of the time. I do remember grief makes you physically ill, aches, headaches etc. but I think its kicked off my thyroid problems again ... must go doctors next week. Might help me sleep if I don't have hot sweats all the time. I got anti depressants just before mum died but haven't taken them yet, I'll see if I can do without them.
I have posted on others threads ... but then I lose them as I don't find this site easy to find my way around so apologies if I've ignored anyone.
